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Sunday, February 4, 2007

Deliberate and Disciplined

The winds of change are blowing again. I don't know if it's this time of year where the rush of Christmas finally subsides and the Lent season draws near encouraging all Christians to discipline themselves. I'm feeling it. It may seem like I have it all together but I don't and it's nobody's fault but mine. As my dh gets busier and busier with church, school and civic commitments, I tend to feel left out, lonely and sometimes trapped. I'm at a standstill right now. I know what I could be doing and I know the benefits of doing it, I just don't have the discipline to do it. It being everything I should be doing. : )

Balance for me seems to be unattainable goal. If I try to achieve balance I seem to tip the scale in either direction. This is my goal for this year, achieve balance. Thankfully, I'm not talking about balancing work and home, my home is my work. I just have SO many projects I'd like to do, plus the daily housework, time spent homeschooling and playing with the kids. There are some nights that I feel like I'm the only one doing it all. Dh comes home and just wants to decompress. This isn't something that reading a book can help, I've read them. This can only change through prayer and a commitment to change. I want to be very deliberate about how I spend my time, how I manage our home but I've found being deliberate also means being disciplined.

I'm dropping all my projects right now until I can find a way to deliberately do them without it being the at the expense of something more important. I'm still praying and thinking about all this.



TheTutor said...


I will be praying for you as you try to focus on how you are to carry out your callings of wife, mother, friend, reader, writer, etc. I find that I have to make time a couple times per year to refocus, as well. May you find peace, confidence, focus and strength.

Sylvia said...

And when do you get to decompress...? I'm just askin'... I like the old saying: if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy!

TrainingHearts said...

I'm re-learning this right now. I used to feel balanced and right now I do feel lop-sided :) Once I get things in place, the rest follows...sort of like a mama duck with her little ducklings waddling behind.
~Blessings, Tamara
**I now host my own blog :)**

Anonymous said...

And I thought I was the only other pastor's wife who felt this way!! I can especially relate to feeling unable to find a balance in my life... no matter how hard I work I find something doesn't get done. I too want to be sure I'm spending my time on what is worthwhile and what will last.. not meaningless pursuits, no matter how fun or even fulfilling.

Lashjo from the WTM boards