What a different life I lead than last year! The kids are doing well at private school but due to finances, next year they will go to public school. This year has flown by and it's been a rollercoaster ride- there have been thrilling hills climbed and thankfully only small downhills. For the most part it's been a boring rollercoaster and I couldn't be MORE thankful for that.
Just to recap during this time last year, I was working a part-time job at night to save money to leave and divorce my ex while homeschooling Camille during the day and Danny was going to a Montessori preschool. It was a tumultuous and stressful time but I felt positive because I was being proactive. I was in counseling and had just finished reading Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.
From January to March it was lawyers, juggling responsibilities and being unsure about what the future would hold for us. The kids and I moved in with my parents so I could get my feet back under me to support us after staying at home for 4 years. I worked as a retail manager until June when it was apparent that type of job was not best for me or the kids. I couldn't work 3-10pm one day and 7am-3pm the next. The kids would be starting school in July and I needed something more stable for them and myself. I was very blessed to find a job at a bank and be able to make a job change while most people couldn't find any work. (Let me rephrase that, couldn't find work that they wanted to do.)
It was also in June that I decided to date again, after a few horrible blind dates, I met a police officer who was a transplant from New Hampshire. I'm a Navy brat with two Northern parents, I was raised in the south. The good ole southern gentlemen with their thick accents, sole-minded interest in trucks, hunting, fishing, golf, southern football and beer just do not interest me, so Brian was a refreshing change. He had goals he was trying to accomplish just as I did and we did well to stay mindful of that. The time spent with Brian was good, I learned a lot about myself during the month and half that we dated. Our road divided and we've gone our separate ways, he's still going after his goals and doing well. We're friends now and check in with each other every now and then.
I decided to date a little less seriously and just have fun. I went on date after date for about a month, meeting many different people. Most of it was fun, I did things I wouldn't have done by myself like going to Myrtle Beach for a concert and opening my eyes to all the things that I could do instead of being trapped in a 'get-up, take care of kids, go to work, come home, take care of kids, go to bed' and do it all again over and over.
I remembered that I am young and able to have fun still after all the responsibilities are done. I let my hair down. I allowed myself to feel sexy again and re-harnessed my self-esteem. I learned to strut, lol. I laugh because it's a little embarrassing how powerful it is but truthfully, every woman has a strut within her. It's the outward awareness of the woman's self-esteem- if she feels good, her head is held high, she smiles easily and if she feels sexy, then there may even be an entrancing sway to her walk.
I lost over 60lbs. from November of last year to now. Through stress, exercise and changing my eating habits, it has been the most positive change I've undergone this year. Learning to strut was very important. I can feel that I look good in the clothes I wear, I know how to pick clothes that fit my body well- a huge thanks to What Not to Wear- and I even learned that a little cleavage isn't bad. I went from defeatedly walking into the women's sizes area of department stores and shopping at Lane Bryant to walking past those areas knowing that none of those clothes fit me anymore. Is there a better esteem booster?? I want to say one thing before I move on, finding the right FIT is the most important aspect of clothes, if a shirt looks like a rectangle when it's flat, it will not compliment a woman with curves- it will look like a tent. A lot of the women's size clothes do not compliment a woman's body, in most cases they make a woman look larger and the self-conscious woman just goes with it because she wants to cover up her trouble spots anyways. Fitted clothes look 110% better than loose fitting clothes, no matter what size you are. Okay rant over.
I don't have many clothes, for a while I couldn't stay in one size long enough, every two weeks it seemed like my clothes were looser than when I bought them. I'm now holding steady at one size and I've stopped working out for the meantime. I'm enjoying this plateau. My goal for next year is to be able to strut in a bikini so I will be restarting my workout regime soon. In my closet right now is Banana Republic, Dress Barn and Worthington pieces from JCPenney as well as some cheap finds at Ross and T.J. Maxx. To be able to shop at Banana Republic (during clearance sales and only at the outlet), oh it just makes me smile from ear to ear. Because finances are tight, I wear the same outfits every week but I don't care because I feel good in them.
My dating life took a fabulous turn when I met Michael. I really didn't want to date him at all, he shares the same name as my ex. That was a HUGE factor against him and it took me a month to finally answer him. When we met, I had this insane urge to run my fingers through his hair (which I didn't do at that time) and I felt immediately at ease with him.
I hesitate writing anything about him, I don't want to sound like lovesick schoolgirl. I am in the best relationship I've ever had in my life. When two people accept each other as they are and celebrate each other's strengths - there is nothing else more precious. We've both had troubled relationships in the past and learned our lessons, with each other we're very conscious of what both of us needs. We are different in a lot of ways, such as I'm a planner and he's not. For some that wouldn't work but he appreciates knowing someone is thinking ahead and I appreciate the spontaneity that can occur when there isn't a plan or even the deviation from the plan. I'm pretty spontaneous myself but it works because we're both easy-going.
I could go on and on about how wonderful we are together. I could mention all the things I appreciate about him and all the benefits of being with someone who really understands you and wants the best for you, someone who respects and admires you even after they've seen you at your worst. Someone you can't wait to see at the end of the day, someone who you're comfortable just being with without feeling like you have to say or do something to make them happy. A healthy give and take relationship. Finally.
After 3 months, we still haven't had a fight or argument. We discuss things, we talk before anything escalates, we know when each other is upset and we both strive to take care of each other. I'm still blown away that he knows I'm upset before I utter a word. It's nice to have someone know you that well, it's what I've always wanted and never had. It can be frustrating too, I'm not used to having it all hang out there but I'm getting used to it. I guess that sums up my view of our relationship, I'm finally getting what I've always wanted and never had and it takes some adjustment and personal acceptance. Past relationship demons are taking their rest and being left where they belong, in the past.
To be able to give my all with someone who gives their all to me, there's nothing better. I'm in awe of the power of our relationship and now understand what others meant when they talked about their relationship with the same sentiments while I cynically secretly believed they were exaggerating the truth in some way because there's no way they can be THAT happy and content with another human being. They must have problems they aren't talking about. Now I'm part of one of those sickening, wonderful, loving relationships and I thank my lucky stars every day.
I'm ending 2009, happy and contentedly blessed in ways I never would have imagined or dreamed. It's been one helluva year and I can't wait to see what next year holds in store for us!
I'm trying to decide if I'm going to revamp this blog or just let it be as it is. While we still love nature study, we're no longer a homeschooling family, we're no longer Trivium Academy. We'll see.
Tuesday Tour and Tip
6 hours ago
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