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Thursday, October 2, 2008

Life Changes our Life

Once again I have to change our daily routine!

My dh has been dealing with back pain issues for a year now, he's already had one major surgery and multiple minor procedures such as epidermals to relieve his pain. On top of his back pain which he does take meds for, he is battling depression (he is taking meds) from his back and the untimely death of his mother last October. The one year anniversary of her passing is quickly approaching and I am reminded once again that although my part in this life is difficult at this time, I am his helpmeet.

This past year has been hard, we've dealt with the pain of losing dh's mother, my first and ever loved companion-Magnum, my first dog, bringing Jack (our current dog) into the family, moving due to dh's new appointment at another church, dh's surgeries and consequent pain and his depression. It has been a year of learning perseverance, patience and humbling love on my part and the lessons still continue.

I do have to say that we are much happier this year than we were last, our new church is very loving and active, we are glad to be home in Savannah and the kids are blossoming much more with activities, family and friends. Although our circumstances are better, the problems still exist. Danny's preschool hours are from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm, Monday-Friday. I choose to keep Danny with us on Fridays because it is our field trip day but he needs to been taken before 9:00 am and picked up Monday-Thursday. When discussing whether to send Danny to preschool, dh agreed that he would take Danny to preschool in the mornings and I would pick him up so that Camille and I could start her lessons at 8:00 am.

Lately dh has been staying up late and waking up late in the mornings and has asked me to take Danny to preschool many times so I resolved that instead of being upset about this, to just modify Camille and I's daily routine to accommodate taking Danny to preschool in the mornings. I've struggled with anger, resentment and the overwhelming feeling that it's not fair before God reminded me that in Him, I can do this- it just depends on what attitude I'm going to have each day.

I cannot heal dh no matter how much I want, so I will leave the healing in God's hands and do what I can with the current circumstances. Thus the change in our daily schedule, which is posted on the right sidebar as well as below.


6:30 am ---Wake-Up, Morning Routine (Dressed, Hygiene, Breakfast, Chores)
8:00 am ---Family Exercise (Walk Jack or do exercise videos together)
8:45 am ---Camille: Informal French (DVD or game) while I take Danny to preschool

9:00 am
---Explorer's Bible Study: Genesis
9:30 am ---Horizons Math
10:00 am--Prima Latina

10:30 am--Mon/Wed: Primary Language Lessons, Tues/Thurs: Explode the Code **
11:00 am--Poetry Memorization
11:15 am---Tapestry of Grace Year 3, with Writing Aids

12:00 pm
12:30 pm--Life Science
1:00 pm---Mon.- Afternoon Tea w/ Fairy Tale; Tues.-Drawing with Children;
--------------Wed.-Needlepoint; Thurs.-Composer Biography

1:30 pm
---Independent Reading
2:00 pm--Afternoon chores, Game time if able
2:30 pm--Piano practice, Thurs.-Piano Lesson at 3:00

2:45 pm
---Mom leaves to pickup Danny from preschool
3:00 pm --Once Danny is home, free play until dinner
7-8:00 pm--Nightly Bedtime Reading Hour

**Explode the Code and Primary Language Lessons are alternated because PLL tends to have a lot of writing at Camille's level right now. I felt it best to alternate the two to give her a break.

Weekly Activities:
On Mondays & Thursdays: Danny has soccer practice or game
Wednesday: Youth at church
Thursday afternoons: Camille's piano lesson

On Friday:
Bible, Math, Latin, Independent Reading and Piano practice must be done before we leave for our weekly field trip or nature study.

This will work out actually better than what I expected, we will have devoted time to exercise which is something I had dropped from our routine in the first routine modification. Camille will learn to do her studies a little more independently and to use her time wisely.

Gone is my optimal idea of having our academic lessons done by lunch because science will be done after lunch but in our reality it is not a problem since we love our science time and it does not feel like drudgery.

I'm not perfect by any means, when the challenge of dh's depression reared it's ugly head into my well-thought out routine, I was not happy and I behaved rather poorly. It is in true thanks to God for not allowing me to wallow in self-pity and grow in bitterness about this but to react proactively. This is a time of iron sharpening iron, at least on my end, I pray that it is on dh's end to as I show him that obstacles are just obstacles- they can be overcome for the benefit of all.

I felt the need to write this post because everyone has struggles that they may not share with others and feel helpless in the situation. I also see God's hand in my own situation and wish to share the hope and joy from a positive attitude that can occur from a difficult situation instead of anger, bitterness and resentment. Every day God is teaching me to love and this is my testimony.



Linda (Linders) said...

Dear Jessica,

What a loving post! And a gentle reminder that everyone (even the woman with the amazing lesson plans and seemingly boundless energy) is also facing personal challenges.

Sending you hugs and encouragement, and never fear - Danny will settle down at school and your DH will (perhaps slowly, but surely) recover from both the back pain and depression. BTDT with both issues, and they can be such energy and emotion drains! But God will take care of you.


P.S. I don't often comment - I'm usually too busy cutting and pasting your plans and schedules!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Jessica. I so needed your testimony today. Wish you lived closer.
Chris in VA

Jennifer said...

Sending hugs and prayers.

christinemm said...

Sorry to hear of your DH's back issue and pain. Most sorry to hear of his depression....

You must be spread thin taking care of him and nurturing him plus homeschooling your DD and dealing with preschool's schedule....

Teaching Diligently said...

Hi Jessica.

I have commented on your blog before, but as Darcy so kindly pointed out - I have never introduced myself . . . "Hi, I'm Tiffany. I live in Texas & homeschool 4 children. I have followed your blog (along with your kindered 'sister' blogs). I think I stumbled across your blog first, but it has been so long now I don't even remember exactly how I found it."

Anyway, I felt the need to comment on this post . . . Last year seriously was terrible. I know people say, "it could be worse," but it certainly didn't feel like it could get much worse. My husband (who typically is the healthiest of the bunch) was in the hospital for a week 2x & it was touch & go the 1st time. We lost 3 dear family members - my mother-in-law being one. She was a huge part of all our lives & is missed to this day terribly. We are still going through the recovery/grieving cycle. UGGG!!

I just read last night on the wisdom a woman needs in order to be her husbands helper. We are finally seeing a rainbow after the huge storm of life, but I prayed continuously for God to see me through it (not necessarily out of it). As I compared the past year to a storm, I wonder how Noah's wife felt? What a woman to try to model.

Thank you so much for opening yourself up so others know they are not alone (we so often feel the pressure of having to be "perfect" homeschool families). I too want to tell you that you are not alone. There is a rainbow when the storm is over. Just hang on for the ride!

Anonymous said...

Jessica, just to send you encouragement. You are doing a great job & God will uphold you. Depression is a very tough challenge, for all involved.
Lynn x

Lorna said...

Dear Jessica,
It is so difficult being a carer of someone with depression. It is an illness, but it takes away the person we love most away from us, and whom we need for love and support, whilst it is running its course. I hope you have help and support from elsewhere. I wish your husband a good strong recovery from both of his ailments and you the space to continue your wonderful work and love with the children.
Beautiful post and wonderful inspiring blog.