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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I've been bad.

I have written about 4 posts without posting them, one was a tearful grief-filled post about Magnum, one was about my recent troubles with our 3 year old son Danny and how I feel like no matter what I do, I'm not being an effective parent for him, another was about Camille and how she has been wonderful even with all the stress and how I feel I've neglected her and the fourth was about how I needed a little retail therapy lately.

I am a mess- I admit it. I'm seriously just getting through each day and I know that there are others will harder struggles in the world right now but that's not really a comfort. The people being affected by the fires in California, the children being abused or even killed by their parents (these newscasts have saddened me further) and the rest of the negative news related items that pour out of the television.

I don't think I've ever had to deal with so many events in such a short period before, of course there have been big events that rippled through the rest of my daily life but I've never had so many little big things happen all at once.

1. Mother in law has lost her battle to cancer, everyone grieving
2. My best pal, my dog Magnum passed away the day of MIL's funeral
3. I have sprained my ankle which has left me physically handicapped for days
4. Homeschooling takes a lot of effort, time and energy
5. Dh needs surgery on this back for a pinched nerve, he's in pain
6. With the recent remodeling at the parsonage, we have items that need to be taken away but we don't have a truck
7. Our back door needs replaced, the doorknow fell off and Danny broke a pane (sheesh, right?) BUT I think we need to pay to replace the door so I haven't called the parsonage committee or done anything yet.
8. My parents have traveled to Ohio to take care of details concerning my paternal grandmother and whether she needs assisted living or brought to live with them- she has Alzheimer's
9. Danny has been more than a handful lately, acting out, testing and church has been very stressful, bedtime is very stressful and we need to re-evaluate our parenting methods and dh and I need to work together.
10. Plus the usual stresses that plague a regular family

Sometimes I wish the Lord didn't trust me with so much. Really. So I've been bad- I've shopped for Camille because the girl has outgrown all her pants and it's getting cooler, which also means she has outgrown almost ALL her clothes. Danny is so tall that his clothes fit at his waist but are short on his legs- so he's needed clothes. I have never had good, quality clothes or undergarments so I have splurged and bit the bullet. With our new laminate floors, we need rugs! At the doors that lead outside and in high traffic areas. I have to sweep everyday, even with Mr. Shedder himself (Magnum) gone and damp mop every other day to keep things clean. I see a Swiffer wet mop in our grocery list for next month.

I have cleared out our bathroom, where I once had 22 bottles of lotion, I only have 6 now. The same for makeup and hair products. I am decluttering as much as I can to lighten the load. But since I've been crippled with a sprained ankle, I'm not able to do as much to keep my mind/body busy.

Okay, do you understand why I haven't been blogging as much lately? Who wants to hear all this? Lol.



LisaWA said...

Hey girl... I do! Sometimes just getting it out is the best start to moving forward! Keep pushing forward!!!

Woman need to talk... its part of what makes us pink and men blue. Woman understand woman.... and we need to talk!

Love and hugs to you dear!

Isaiah5513 said...

I know exactly how you feel. OVERWHELMED! Last week, I told dh that I was fed up and wanted to send the boys to school, he said "no." Now, I didn't really want to do that. I'm called. It's not up to me. The point is, the Lord led me through two days of learning that I've been relying on everything and everyone, BUT Him. (I hve a big ol long blog post describeing the entire process.) Everytime I hear of a very busy person being laid up, as you are, I think that the Lord must want them down for a reason. Pray and ask Him what that reason is. Get some quiet time to read and meditate. I know that's hard with a 3 year old. If you can get out to the park, do it there. for me, it was the lake.

I agree with the other commenter that getting it all out, is sometimes what's needed.

Mom2legomaniacs said...

You absolutely need to get it all out! And that's what we are all here for. To provide that support and "ear" that our dh's just aren't wired for!

Talking about something is so very therapeutic for me. Once it is out, things start to make sense and improve. Not quickly, but definitely.

You will have good stuff coming your way. It has to!

Hang in there dear!



ThoughtfulMom said...

I read it.

And you're doing just fine. I also have the tendency to focus on the things I CAN control when everything else is spinning out of control. Just give yourself time.

Nicole said...

For what it's worth...I think you're doing really good considering the circumstances. You're finding constructive ways to deal with stress (decluttering and decorating and taking initiative on your kids clothes), and you're still posting on your blog, and I bet you still make dinner and clean the toilet. You're a hero!
When my three year old was acting out in a terribly big way, I went to a parenting class. It helped me to realize that my chaos still wasn't as bad as other peoples. lol
I constantly repeat to myself..."Don't be perfect..." Type A personalities like ourselves sometimes need to remember that.
Thanks for creating my favorite blog. :)

Anonymous said...

I admire your blog on a nearly-daily basis. You are a hs mom I have looked up to! And I will continue to admire. You are human, and sometimes that is tough. We are going through a rough patch right now too. Just keep your eyes on God. We may not know what our future holds, but we know who holds our future. He will not let you slip through His hands.
Praying for you,

Mrs. "M" said...

He is an ever present help in trouble. I am sorry you have had so much on your plate lately. Grief is a funny thing. It hits like waves and at not so great times.
And the three year old thing...that I get (except mine is four). I declutter and clean when things are crazy too!


me :) said...

I wish we lived closed so our kids could play and we could have a frozen coffee and hang out. Hang in there - we're praying for you!

Writing and Living said...

You're doing great. When you emerge from this season of life you will be stronger.

dna said...

I completely understand where you are right now. Not every moment of our lives will be as overwhelming as we can sometimes get. But remember that God has a purpose in all times of stress and hardship and always wants you to lean on Him! He will bless you for the tiniest of your efforts to obey Him. You will get through this time and your family will also be blessed for your perserverence!

Andrea (new classical homseschooling mom who loves your blog and your testimony)

Elaine said...

My hubby and I were talking about something similar last night. He commented: "When you're flat on your back you've got no place to look but up."

This is very true. Use this time of being laid up and look to God for what He's got just for you. He'll reveal His message/will for you in the right time.

(((big hugs)))

Barb-Harmony Art Mom said...

Just checking in.....sounds like you are overwhelmed. Grief is manifest in many ways, lean on your husband. He may not seem strong but I am sure he is there for you. Take extra time for prayer, reach out.

Your children are probably showing their grief in their own little way. My brother died when I was 10 years old and I was the "good little soldier" like Camille. It hurts just as much even if you don't show it.

You are in my thoughts.
Barb-Harmony Art Mom