Things I'd love to do...

I was looking at upcoming events and these are definitely things I'd love to do. Charleston Harbourfest is coming up next weekend but I'm not sure how much fun it would be with a massive crowd. I'm still thinking about it.


Blues & BBQ Harbor
Cruises
06/25/2009
07/09/2009
07/23/2009
Location: Aboard the Carolina BelleAddress: Maritime Center, 10 Wharfside St.
Phone: 843.722.1112
Web Site: http://CharlestonHarborTours.com
Cruise Charleston harbor, enjoy a Home Team BBQ Buffet and hot Live BLUES from Shrimp City Slim.
Tickets: $29.50 + tax. Cash Bar. Book online or call 843.722.1112 or 800.979.3370
Cruise Dates: 6.25, 7.9, 7.23, 8.6, 8.20, 9.3, 9.24, 10.1, 10.15, 10.29.


Rockin on the Point
6/19/2009
07/03/2009
07/10/2009
07/17/2009
07/24/2009

Location: The Charleston Harbor Resort & MarinaAddress: Mt. Pleasant, SCROCKIN' ON THE POINT 2009 at The Charleston Harbor Resort & Marina at Patriots Point in Mt. Pleasant. Rockin On The Point formerly know as "Party At The Point" starts at 5:30 PM and continues until 9:30 PM.

Bands start between 6:00 - 6:30pm Bring your own chairs, Bring your own blankets, Cash at the door Credit inside for food and drinks Food and drink tickets re-usable No outside food or drinks Starting May 1, Happy Hour w $2.00 Bud Light Draft Beer Jun 5 - Occasional Milkshake Jun 12 - East Coast Party Band Jun 19 - Cravin Melon Jul 3 - Playlist Jul 10 - Virginia Coalition w/Simplified Jul 17 - PlaneJane Jul 24 - Carolina Studios Fundraiser

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
at Sottile Theatre, Charleston, SC
September 9th - September 20th, 2009
Lyrics by Tim Rice Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Go Go Go Joe! The Rock ‘N Roll Story Of Joseph And His Coat Of Many Colors Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s mega-musical of the Biblical saga of Joseph and his coat of many colors has been delighting audiences around the world for almost 40 years. Set to an engaging cornucopia of musical styles, from country-western to rock to calypso and bubble-gum pop, this Old Testament tale emerges as both timely and timeless. It’s a dream ticket—the perfect musical for the entire family. Get your tickets today!

Footlight Players
Rumors by Neil Simon (Comedic Farce)What is supposed to be an anniversary party for friends turns into a wild night of zany adventures for four posh couples. An attempted suicide (or is it?), a missing wife, a damaged car, recurring back spasms and rumors galore add to the comedic mayhem of one of Neil Simon’s funniest plays. With delicious humor the circumstances get progressively worse when the press and police get involved and nobody can remember who has been told what about whom. Recommended age: 18+ Playing August 28 through September 13, 2009. Individual Ticket Prices: $25 adult, $22 senior, $15 student.

Annoyance by Sam BobrickWriter Sam Bobrick (The Andy Griffith Show, Get Smart, The Flintstones and creator of the hit tv series Saved By The Bell) goes into annoyance mode for this side-splitting comedic play. Annoyance follows a very annoying man who goes to see two therapists with the hope of becoming less annoying. However, in his pursuit of mental stability hedrives them both to maddening heights.Playing October 1 through 10, 2009. All Tickets $10 Thursday and $15 Friday & Saturday.

I love looking at the calendar and making a list of things to go do, something to look forward to always helps!

Father's Day

A Boy and His Dad
by Edgar Guest

A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip—
There is a glorious fellowship!
Father and son and the open sky
And the white clouds lazily drifting by,
And the laughing stream as it runs along
With the clicking reel like a martial song,
And the father teaching the youngster gay
How to land a fish in the sportsman's way.

I fancy I hear them talking there
In an open boat, and the speech is fair.
And the boy is learning the ways of men
From the finest man in his youthful ken.
Kings, to the youngster, cannot compare
With the gentle father who's with him there.
And the greatest mind of the human race
Not for one minute could take his place.
Which is happier, man or boy?

The soul of the father is steeped in joy,
For he's finding out, to his heart's delight,
That his son is fit for the future fight.
He is learning the glorious depths of him,
And the thoughts he thinks and his every whim;
And he shall discover, when night comes on,
How close he has grown to his little son.

A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip—
Builders of life's companionship!
Oh, I envy them, as I see them there
Under the sky in the open air,
For out of the old, old long-ago
Come the summer days that I used to know,
When I learned life's truths from my father's lips
As I shared the joy of his fishing-trips.

Glowing

Not so shy anymore with photos. Documenting all the good changes.

Two Letters

I've received two letters as of late, one welcoming me to the bank that I'm working at starting Monday and my acceptance letter to Florida Institute of Technology. I'm a matriculated student now.

A friend voiced concern on whether or not I'll be able to handle working full-time, college work and taking care of myself and the kids. I've weighed all the pros and cons long before the conversation but my confidence faltered for a minute because I know I'm not just working on those things but trying to become financially healthy and working out at the gym to become physically healthy. Add finding church to the mix and yes it seems like a lot but it's all part of the new life for us.

Working- absolutely essential.

College- not absolutely essential but needed in order to advance at work and give me something to do because I always have to have a project. (Really, I do.)

Gym- provides a constructive activity for both the kids and myself with positive results- I consider this absolutely essential. Scheduling the time to GO is what is a little tricky but working out daily is essential even if I do some at home and only go to the gym 2-3x a week. The kids have activities to do at the gym when we all go.

Financial goals- This requires the most sacrifice but also the largest payoff, essential for being able to provide more stability and security later.

Church- Need for spiritual nourishment and socialization for all of us.

Work and college are about to start, my new job starts Monday and college will officially start in July but I'll be able to work a little ahead, at least by reading the textbooks for my classes. They are starting me in Art Appreciation and Physical Science. I'm thrilled! For two years I've been thinking about going back to college but I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Now that I know, it's freeing.

With everything it will be a juggle, no doubt. It'll be worth it...right? Lol. I'll need to come back and reread this when I'm ready to pull my hair out a few months from now.

Big Church

Big churches just aren’t my style. I realized that today as I sat in a Sunday School for 30-40 year olds with younger children. There were two elevators in the church! Amongst the hundreds of faces I saw today only the kids’ Sunday School teachers introduced themselves to me.

Ideally, I would like a medium size church, 150-250 people, with children’s programs and a Wednesday night fellowship supper. A weeknight Bible study with childcare provided would be icing on the cake.

Another thought I had while I was there is what can I give? I don’t have time or money and I cringed when I thought about tithing. They were asking for donations of time and money and I sat there realizing that I have very little of either. I was hoping to meet new people and find a new community but I’m not sure the BIG church is where I’ll find it at. The search is on…

It had to be done.

I just updated my 2009 goal list and lo and behold, I changed the post and backslid! I had to get a new computer, after assessing the computer I have, it doesn't meet the minimum requirements of my college. Something about running PC programs on a 2004 Mac just won't work and Microsoft Word is required. Sigh. I created new debt. (Whispering-Sorry Dave!)

When I told my mother of my disappointment (one- being having to use a PC over a Mac, two- acquiring new debt) she laughed and said, "You'll be in debt anyways with the student loans!" Bigger SIGH. Technically I don't have a student loan yet but it looks like it will be a necessary evil.

The length of time until I shout 'I'm Debt-Free!' just became a little longer, esp. with student loans on the horizon. Optimal situation is to pay off all the consumer debt and then pay off the student loans BEFORE graduation.

It'll work out. I have faith.

2009 Goals

Updating what I wrote at the beginning of the year, again.

Educationally
1. Start college for Summer 2009 session, working towards a Bachelor's in Business Administration.
Status: Done, enrolled at Florida Institute of Technology for Summer 2 Term!

2. Study college level math to help with placement test. Life of Fred?
In the process of doing...

Personally
1. Reduce, reuse and recycle! Declutter our home and be ruthless about what to keep, sell or donate.
(Done but still in progress)

2. Pay off my personal debt by December 2009 via The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey- no new debt!
On track, two bills paid off, one to go!

3. Take time off, from everything at least every two weeks if unable to do it weekly.
Still working on this, just switched jobs and have taken two weeks in between jobs to spend quality time with the kids.

4. Exercise for good health. Joined a gym and going every week.
5. Eat better, smaller portions. Done, only eating minimal bread which has helped.

Professionally
1. Train for higher positions but maintain a healthy viewpoint of my current position.
2. Work on calming my body while in confrontations. My face turns red even though I'm not mentally stressed and I have my composure.

A Fun Day

We went to Charles Towne Landing yesterday and had a blast. It's the first real field trip we've had in months and the kids and I enjoyed it immensely. We watched the otter for over 30 minutes, what a playful animal! We saw bison, white-tailed deer, a puma and a few other indigenous animals- at the elk habitat, a raccoon was eating the elk's food while the elk sat in the shade without a care in the world. The kids kept yelling to the elk, "A raccoon is eating your food!" The elk just sat there and stared.

Today is Danny's 5th birthday and we're heading out to the South Carolina Aquarium so that the kids can touch stingrays and we're going to explore downtown Charleston.

We started out yesterday going to the aquarium but we passed the sign for Charles Towne Landing on the way and I figured since the weatherman predicted rain all week, we'd better take advantage of the no-rain day. We really felt like our old selves, together exploring a new place and learning about what we saw.

He's 5 now. My little boy is not so little anymore, well to tell the truth he's never been little because he's always been in the 90% percentile of height but he's getting OLDER. He's grown so much in the last year, matured. While living with my parents is not ideal, he's changed so much since we've been here, having a support in parenting makes a huge difference!

I will say that being a divorced mom is not easy, especially when your ex-partner doesn't share the same values as you do. It's an uphill battle that I pray will pay off in the end but in the meantime I get to be the 'pain in the butt'. It is especially hard when one is considering what is best for the child and the other is considering what is best for their wallet. Everything from health insurance to school is a disagreement waiting to happen filled with tension and blame. The only reassuring factor is that we have a legal agreement that outlines what is required. Enforcing the legal agreement is where the 'difficult' part comes in, especially when you're just dealing with the other person's actions or non-actions.

I'm just keeping my eye on our goals and moving forward as positively as I can. Today we're going celebrate Danny's birthday and enjoy being together. We are very blessed and we're going to focus on that.

I'm a college student.

I enrolled in college today, I finally picked one and pulled the trigger. I'm on my way to starting my Associates in Art: Business Administration degree. I also walked out of a hostile work environment tonight and quit one day short of my planned exit. Oh well. It felt good to stand up for myself.

Hee, hee. I'm back in school.

Fits of Laughter and Progress.

There was such an outburst of laughter at the dinner table last night...

Danny: "Mom, I want to ride my bike with sissy around the neighborhood."
Me: "Danny, you're not old enough. When you turn 6 or 7 maybe but you're only 5. Sissy is turning 9." (I even showed him on my fingers)
Grandpa: "Danny, you can ride WITH your sister but not by yourself."
Danny sits there looking at me.
Me: "Danny, I DO NOT want you to ride your bike through the neighborhood with your sister and you won't while I'm home but I can't control what happens when I'm not here!"

My dad burst out in uncontrollable laughter which spurred me and my mom into fits of laughter too. Poor Danny and Camille, they didn't have a clue why we were laughing so much but this little scenario is exactly why I struggle a little at home.

I've been looking at colleges and it's hard to choose. Money is a major factor but I don't want to spend less money on college and actually get less education. It seems that some colleges offer cheaper distance learning because they just facilitate your learning- give you the assignments and it's up to you to learn the material without much teacher guidance or even lectures. It's sort of homeschooling for college. On the opposite end there are colleges that want you to spend ungodly amounts of money to attend their prestigious college for just a year and you don't know if you're paying for the name or the education. It's like shopping Goodwill or Saks 5th Avenue- either way you'll have clothes in the end.
The search continues...

I'm on the 3 day countdown at work, this is day 3 and I have two more to go. What a freeing thought! We're going to church this Sunday. We CAN!

Camille is going to a Girl Scout camp this summer for a week, she's thrilled. It'll be her first time away from her parents at all for that long and I think it's going to be such a milestone in her life.

I have to get ready for work so I'll end here...

I got it!

I got the job!
Wooo-Hoooo!

And I told my current employer today, next week is my last and then I'll have two weeks with the kids before starting the new job.
Big Smiles Here.

Wednesday in May

I'm sitting here willing my phone to ring to hear back from a job interview I went to yesterday. Ring ALREADY! Lol. A teller position at a local bank, I'll be working in the town I live in instead of driving 30-40 minutes away to my current job. Plus, I would be working stable, steady hours. I have my letter of resignation ready to turn in. I'm just waiting to hear, "We'd love for you to come join our team," or "I'm sorry, we've decided not to bring aboard at this time." Ring phone, ring.

Camille is working on Math-U-See while I type, once she's done she will read 10 more pages of Homer Price and then I'll allow her to finish watching the movie, That Darn Cat starring Hayley Mills. We started it last night but it became too late to finish. I treated her to a girls' night out, including dinner at one of my favorite restaurants- a Greek restaurant. Delish!

I'm planning on taking a week or two off in-between jobs if I get the teller position. It starts June 1st and if I turn in my two weeks' notice this week, I'll have time to take the kids to the beach and enjoy some time off. I've been stressed and go, go, go for the last 6 months, not really taking any time off. Even when I'm not working, I'm working or doing errands. Time has buzzed by me as I've rushed to take care of this or that. I miss homeschooling, I miss being home with the kids everyday and exploring at our leisure. I feel like I instantly changed lives with someone and I know I cannot go back to what we were doing but some balance would be nice. This new job would give us that instead of having to work 2-10pm one day and 8am-4pm the next.

Living with my parents has its perks but it also has it cons. It's hard feeling like you're 15 years old again while you have adult responsibilities and concerns! Lol. My main problem is that I don't have a social outlet as of yet other than going to the gym and I'm not at the gym to socialize anyways. I don't want to take away anymore time from the kids or make my parents responsible for the kids when I'm off work. The guilt. Oh man, the guilt. For 6 years, I've been a pastor's wife- now I'm not. For 3 years, I was a homeschooling mother. Now I'm not.

What am I now? A divorced, working mother. I'm still getting used to that. Especially when strangers want to tell me about Jesus. I used to say, "thank you, I'm pastor's wife" and we'd move on from the good news to chatting but now I can't say that. I guess I'm having identity issues, lol.

Come on phone....RING!

Almost a month later...

Almost a month later since my last post, wow. I still haven't found my camera so I don't have any new pictures although there were opportunities that I wish I would have captured.

The kids saw a garter snake and we watched it for a while. I joined a gym and the kids have karate lessons through the gym now and yesterday was their first day. It was fun watching them trying to mimic the other kids, because it is a drop-in program they have to be there consistently before being considered there for the karate lessons. They both enjoyed it and I got my 1 hour workout in while they were punching and kicking in another room.



I'm working out. The gym wants you to hire one of their trainers so they give you two free sessions and I did two consecutive days of working out with my torture-trainer. He pushed me and I was sore, barely able to walk due to the pain shooting through my legs the day after but two days later I went back after the soreness had subsided. I've been working out on my own and I finally found a book to help understand and navigate through a workout. It's called Strength Training by Lee E. Brown, published by the National Strength & Conditioning Association. While it doesn't cover aerobics or cardio, it covers the area I feel I need the most help (the area where I feel I need a personal trainer but cannot afford one)- strength training.

I'm doing 5-10 minutes on the treadmill to warm-up, next, floor exercises with a 15 lb. weight bar (deadlifts, squats, lunges) and the stability ball with 5 lb. dumbells (crunches, lifts) then working on the various weight machines for 12-15 reps each before finishing my workout with 10-20 minutes of cardio. I switch up my ending cardio with the elliptical machine, cycling, and treadmill. I hilariously tried the stair-stepper yesterday but gave up after 4 minutes and went to the cycle. I can't say I'm 100% comfortable doing my floor exercises in front of everyone in the co-ed area, but I push myself to do it because I will not allow my lack of self-confidence to undermine my workout.

Today I'm going to try a butt/ab class in the women's area of the gym. I would never have thought that I would LOVE going to the gym or pushing myself physically in this way. It's so much different than exercising at home, you have people all around doing the same things you're doing. You have a purpose for being there and motivation is all around you as well as people who are where you are and those who are where you want to be. I'm feeling great, I'm finally doing something just for me- taking care of myself. Best of all, I'm feeling stronger- in all areas.

In the last few months I have lost 30 lbs. and went from wearing plus sizes to misses all without exercise, just watching what I'm eating and being in a highly stressful stage of my life. I guess you could count moving as exercise, especially with all our books! I've gone from a 18 Women's size (which is plus size) from December to a 14 Misses now. I can now pass by Lane Bryant or breeze right by the Women's section of any department store KNOWING that those clothes are too big for me. I never thought I would put this on our blog, I've never really posted pictures of myself or mentioned anything about my own body before. Life is better for me.

Camille is preparing for her standardized testing at the end of May, Danny is improving as well. I'm working about 37 hours a week right now and everyday life is hectic. It's very hard to work a varied schedule each week - if it weren't for my parents, I'd be a mess right now. They've been so helpful, especially my mom. I work 8-4 one day and then 3-10 the next and the schedule hasn't regulated yet. So on top of everything else, I'm looking for a new job. One that is more stable, 9-5 with benefits and decent pay. I've put out 12 resumes in the last week and I have an interview tomorrow for one. It has been a bit taxing on my mom having the kids while I'm at work. She's not used to it and the kids are still young. While she's adjusted to them, we will not live here forever and I don't want to put my parents in the position of having the kids all the time. It is a delicate balance for everyone and more times than not- it tilts. I don't have a social life right now other than going to the gym, I have met another homeschooling mom but we haven't gotten together very often.

All that can wait. I have high goals for myself (and the kids) for the time being and we're just getting used to our new life. I will be debt-free by the end of this year, or at least by the beginning of 2010. I don't want Murphy to come to visit although I know he will at some point. (Murphy's Law) Once I am debt-free and able to afford a place of our own I will move out of my parents' house- whether it be renting or buying a house is still to be determined. The future is so wide open right now, it's scary and exciting all at once. If we rent, I want to be able to save money for a down-payment on a house but someplace safe and kid-friendly.

The kids will be attending a classical academy (private school) in the fall, I will have a stable 9-5 job and hopefully things will just tick, tick, tick along into place. God has blessed us so much lately, I cannot express how grateful I am for His grace. We haven't been able to go to church because of my current varied work schedule but I think I've found one that we'll try when we get a chance.

Life is good, still stressful but good.

Hanging in There

A complete life change takes some getting used to, we're still working on developing routines and I'm in my first week of work at a new job. A lot of changes happening. I lost my digital camera in the move so I'll be without pictures for a little bit until either I find it or get a new one.

Settled?

Whirlwind.

We're 95% settled in, most of our belongings is in storage which I can access easily but it's strange living without the bulk of items we're used to having around us. I think the hardest thing so far is being a daughter and a mother all at the same time. As a daughter, I know what my parents' expectations are as far as behavior and what their habits are but as a mother, I know what the kids want and expect as well. We're all in transition.

Danny was attending a Montessori preschool in Georgia but there's only 5 weeks left of the school year. I could enroll him but it would be just temporary. I have found a school for both the kids, a private one, for next Fall. This is great news because I was worried about sending the kids to public school, Camille would change the most due to the influence of other kids but this private school is small and the days are short, 8:00 to 1:00. It is probably the closest academic structured school to what we were already doing at home that I'll find, especially for the cost. I'm going to look to see what other options are out there before I decide but I think we have a winner already.

Camille is working on preparing for the standardized test that she'll have in May, she's happy to be doing schoolwork again.

I will start my new job Sunday. Being at home with my mom all day is nice but I welcome another purpose to my day. I've been super busy unpacking, organizing, doing errands but once we're completely settled I know I'd go stir-crazy. I've had to remind myself numerous times that we're all in transition and everything going smoothly is not the norm. Things have been going pretty well considering all the changes we've gone through.

The kids have friends to play with across the street, my parents live in a cul-de-sac so the kids can freely ride their bikes in a safe environment without the constant danger of traffic, only the few residents drive down our street and they are aware of the kids playing. There is a huge, gigantic playground just 15 minutes away. I don't know the kid in this picture but the playground is shown somewhat.


So far everything is going well, as we get into new routines things will settle more. The kids are happy but adjusting and I've been too busy to really think about it all other than to thank our daily blessings that God has provided. I'm full of hope again for the future which has been sorely missed.

Loaded and Ready

The computer and other electronic stuff is traveling in my friend's car with me while a friend drives the UHaul that tows my car. Yeah, I'm chicken.

Not too chicken to drive the 17' ft. UHaul towing my car and unhook the whole shebang with a neighbor's help. Ummm, the tow dolly weighs more than 500 lbs and this afternoon I was pulling it and stay-at-home mom neighbor was pushing it from the street into the yard.

Strong, independent women...yes we are. Sore too. The house is pretty bare and all our things save a few are loaded in a truck ready to be taken anywhere.

Tomorrow, a new life begins. Or should I say repurposed life? Everything is going well, much better than I deserve and thought it would. The only uncertain thing is all the legal mumbo-jumbo and how much child support should be and if alimony should be paid...yada, yada, yada. Where's the EASY button?

Moving

The kids & I are moving next week to my parents' house. Dh and I are getting a divorce and have been separated since February 1st. I haven't been able to write about it and probably will never be able to write about the details that led to these events. I'm sorry for my silence but it has been necessary to prevent from sharing too much while we are still going through the legal issues.

Anyways, we're moving. Beginning a new life, unfortunately in the fall the kids will be going to school, Danny to either an elementary school program for pre-kindergarten or individual preschool and Camille will either be in 3rd or 4th grade depending on well she tests on a standardized test in May. I will begin a new job April 5th, a full-time position with benefits.

I will be afterschooling as much as I can, I can sit here and be idealistic and scheme all the wonderful things we'll be doing but I've learned recently that you just do what you can do, when you can do it. I've put off college for myself until Fall, I was supposed to start April 6th but goodness, I can't do everything! Lol.

I will continue blogging about our adventures, we'll probably be homeschooling through the summer to help Camille be ready for public school in the fall but the blog will be more about what we do on excursions and trials we face rather than about the nitty-gritty of homeschooling. I doubt there will be anymore schedules aligning curricula and curricula reviews. I cannot believe how many books I've sold in the last month or donated to others.

I have plenty to say about my hopes for us but I'm not willing to expand on that until we have settled into our new life that is quickly approaching. I have solid goals for attaining a Bachelor's of Science- Business Administration degree and getting us on solid footing financially. Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover has been such a blessing!

I'll blog again when I can.

Our new history approach

Next year we're not doing history at all, as it's been decided to focus on geography for the entire year using Discovering the World of Geography and using our reading time to focus on literature instead of historical fiction. So our current history, Tapestry of Grace, Year 3 lost it's luster for the some of the same reasons we're not doing Tapestry next year. I need pick up and go without much thought or planning on my end.

I tried to like The Story of the World again. I really did but I'm spoiled now, as is Camille because we like whole books, Tapestry does such a fine job of presenting history with all its various regions into focus whereas SOTW just seems to jump around too much and throw too many names, events and countries at the reader. I realized that since I couldn't bring myself to use SOTW again that none of the condensed, all-in-one history books were going to satisfy us anymore.

What's left? Trusty old Usborne! Since switching to Tapestry, we've been using their core books instead of this encyclopedia. I don't want to coordinate books right now or figure out how to manage all of our reading. I want to, I want to read whole books with fabulous illustrations and rich writing but I can't. I want history to get done but reading, writing and math are much more important to me right now.

What we're doing is reading the 2 page spread, exploring the internet-links and I have maps from Tapestry's MapAids so I just have Camille label a map according to what we read about. This week it was Africa and the struggle over land, the Zulus, Boers and the British. Pictures to come this weekend.

Instead of reading a historical fiction book, Camille is reading Black Beauty and I'm reading a literature book to her as well, I'm still working on our next title-I need to find a free, online study guide to help so that is holding up the decision of the title at this time.

A New Life

I think I'm ready.

Before Thanksgiving, we (the kids and I) were trucking along with a solid routine, enjoying ourselves. Then something happened in my personal life that had me reeling, as if the earth opened up and swallowed me whole. I'm unable to talk about it at this time but there has been many changes from Thanksgiving, all of which I think I'm finally regaining a bit of balance.

I've been working since December 2nd. Adjusting from being 100% stay-at-home mother to stay-at-home mom by day and work 20 hours during the night and weekends has been difficult. I am 100% dedicated to my children and having to give up time with them, what I consider crucial time - their bedtime routine, has been very hard for me. Reading aloud and snuggle time was replaced with management responsibilities of a store and for the kids, it has been hard to give up that Mommy time. I'd love to say that Dad has stepped in and maintained the routine but he hasn't. The kids now receive a terse bedtime and there have been many mornings that I discover that Danny is still in his clothes (instead of pjs) and his teeth were not brushed before bedtime.

It has been difficult to say the least. During my time off I've been torn on whether to clean the house or to spend time with the kids. In the last 3 weeks, I have decluttered our home to eliminate visual stress. Knick-knacks need to be dusted so off to Goodwill they went. I'm still "Spring Cleaning" mode but the house is more manageable for me, I know that I need to spend time sweeping, vacuuming, mopping and cleaning while I'm home to keep things manageable so some of our homeschool lessons are done with the scent of cleaner in the air and breaks of, "Mommy needs your help and then we'll do your science." Lol.

Another decision that was made in early December was to find Jack, our 1 year old golden retriever, a new home. While I love him and he was a blessing to our home- he was a stress for me. I found that I was not walking him enough, playing with him enough, or training him enough for his age. I was not being the dog owner that he deserved and I feel so blessed to have found him a home that he can grow in and be loved the way I wish I could at this time. He's doing great and his new family adores him so I can close that door knowing I did the right thing, especially knowing the stress it has alleviated for me. He went to his new family at the end of January and it's now been two weeks without him.

While I was working, finding Jack a new home and readjusting to a new lifestyle, I had to figure out how and where I was going to go to college. Having to play out the scenario in my mind of which one to select- the actual program of studies, whether to go on campus or to find an online solution, the cost and the end result, what in the world would our life be like after my degree- has been stressful all on its own. I feel like that I've had to trade lives with someone instantly and let go of all past expectations for our life for an uncertain future.

I explored nursing simply because I could get paid well and work 40 hours within a few days and be home the rest of the week but nursing does not amplify my natural abilities. It was a tough and difficult journey figuring out what type of degree to obtain that would allow me be the mother I want to be, amplify my natural abilities and have fulfilling work as well as be financially stable. After realizing that the college that I was trying to attend was the most expensive college in my area, not to mention unaffordable for me unless I took out student loans...I found my niche.

I looked back upon my work history and took at true look at myself. I was a graphic designer for 8 years but the most pleasure I had within that field was when I was managing a project or department, I enjoy streamlining procedures and finding more efficient ways to conduct business, I also enjoy customer service- a dying art in these times in my opinion. I thought I enjoyed graphic design because of the creative outflow of the actual graphics but stepping back and truly assessing my strengths, it was more in the management end than in the creative. That is why I never went to school for design, it wasn't my true passion. I realize that now. When faced with the course descriptions, Principles of Accounting interest me more than Human Anatomy and Physiology, lol. Instead of fearing the educational path before me, I'm excited.

After deciding that the most expensive college was not an option, which happened after I paid the $50 registration fee and applied for FAFSA as well as other scholarships and grants, I'm starting over with two colleges that I can attend online to obtain a Bachelor's in Business Administration with a few visits to the campus of the secondary college. Admission registration is not until April so I have plenty of time to hone my upper math skills and prepare for a college placement test although I regret missing the Spring session deadline, but all things come with time.

Also in December, I became increasingly frustrated with our financial situation, unable to get hub to get on a budget to pay off debt or to even show an interest in anything financial including having a savings account that wasn't emptied every single month. Once I started working, I knew I had to figure out a way to manage my own finances and decided to get smart about my own debt. Within the homeschooling circles I've heard a lot of about Dave Ramsey but I was still skeptical, I'm not a 'get rich quick' type of person and I didn't want to fall into any traps. I took a leap and bought The Total Money Makeover and I was sold. Through hard work and sacrifice I wrote out a plan to be personally debt free by December 2009 based on my income alone. I approached my hub with a plan to clear debt in his name by December 2010 but he wasn't interested, so I'm doing this for myself, by myself. After completing Baby Step 1, I will have paid off my first bill next month which if I kept paying the minimum payments, would take 49 more monthly payments to pay off. How freeing is that?

With all these changes to my life and the stress, I started losing weight from Thanksgiving to Christmas and once I realized that it was naturally happening, I decided to make a sincere effort to become more healthy. Working has helped tremendously in this area, instead of being sedentary at home watching tv, I'm physically working. There have been days that I don't even sit down except to drive from the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed. I'm watching what I eat, controlling my portions and only allowing myself occasional cheats like pizza or a cheeseburger. I have lost 20 lbs without an exercise or diet program, just replacing some of my eating habits and being more active. I actually feel depressed now if I spend a few hours in front of the tv just relaxing, lol.

My mom tried Nutrisystem but was unwilling to continue even though she lost 10 lbs because she had to have another back surgery. She's recovering and I just visited them with Camille to be a support, we cleaned my parents' house and decluttered a little by bringing home all of her Nutrisystem food (which is a LOT) and fabulous shoes she's unable to wear anymore after having 5 back surgeries. I have knee-high leather black boots now with high heels! I have beautiful white sandals to wear this summer and they all fit! I also brought home a Denise Austin exercise video with the rubber bands and a few other of those stretchy plastic torture devices, I joked with my mom that I'd knock myself out stretching those bands and having them snap me square on the head. I can be a little uncoordinated physically at times. I know a consistent exercise routine will help with my stress load and weight loss. I'm not trying to be a size 2, I just want to be firm and healthy, if that can be accomplished at a size 12, I will be happy. I have dropped sizes within the last 2 months and it has been a boost to my esteem. I don't have to shop in the plus sizes anymore to find something that fits but I haven't been doing much shopping either.

I am currently in counseling which I'm not sure is going to be helpful but I'm going anyway. We spent the entire first session trying to figure out how she can help me, outwardly I'm proactively moving forward- doing all that can and should be done. Internally, all of the positive changes in my life have made a positive impact but underneath all that positive stuff is the core reason as to why all of this happening. It's not something I can discuss freely with the world at this time so forgive me for the cloak and dagger treatment.

At work I'm training for a higher position, I have been acknowledged repeatedly by upper management, including the District Manager of the store I'm working at. I've just received my 60 day appraisal which had 'excellent' numerous times, which (toot, toot) is the highest evaluation you can get, and my immediate supervisor confessed that she's very rarely given anyone an 'excellent' rating, much less the majority of the appraisal. Can you see me beaming? At the core of all this success is the fact that I may be offered a position that is 40 hours a week. There are pros and cons to that but I have faith that everything will work out, one way or the other.

What was the purpose of this post? Well, first to get it all out and to identify the fact that I want to acknowledge what these last few months have been like to forgive myself for not being the homeschooling mother I've worked so hard to be. I've had to let go of many ideals and get down to the bare essentials. I haven't even mentioned the fact that Danny has had to adjust to a new preschool teacher or that my only living grandparent is battling Alzheimer's, or that I've been struggling with the idea of sending the kids to public school next year and wrestling with consistent idea that if I work, I won't be able to be the mother I want to be for my kids. So the purpose of this post is to acknowledge, forgive and move forward.

We are back on track with our lessons. We are taking one day a week to GO, either on a nature walk or field trip or just to go have fun doing something! Life is completely different than it was at the beginning of November but I think in a LOT of ways, it's better. It is so much better to walk in truth, even if it's hard and treacherous at times. This blog is my digital scrapbook of our journey and I'm ready to continue documenting.

Managing Better!

1 I know what colleges I will be attending! I will be able to earn my Bachelor's in Bus. Admin online through two GA colleges that I can afford with financial aid assistance (already awarded). This has been a major stress in the last two months but I've learned so much about the process.

2 I also had my first work appraisal yesterday in which I received "excellent" in all but one area which is out of my control. I spoke to my manager about further training and a higher position, both of which were received with enthusiasm and encouragement. We scheduled time for immediate higher level training and have had abounding appraisal from all upper management! Wow, my cheeks hurt from all the smiling!

My arm is red from pinching myself b/c things are going so well! Homeschooling is getting back on track, I did a bunch of spring cleaning and rearranging furniture earlier this week so that took us off track but the house is in much better shape as is my stress level. I'm still losing weight/inches although I'm only checking it weekly but can feel it in my clothes.

Reflecting back on the past two horrendously busy and complicated months, I can see where maintaining a positive attitude through all the rocky spots has truly helped me get to this place. While I wasn't continuously positive, determination to keep going forward helped.

Currently I've made some streamlined changes to our lessons. They have been pared down to maximize skill development.
Read Aloud- Fun, age-appropriate literature reads (Little House on the Prairie right now)
History- Usborne Encyclopedia of World History and corresponding map-work
Science- God's Design for Life: The World of Plants, Shanleya's Quest
Writing/Grammar- Writing Tales 1
Math- Math-U-See Gamma
Spelling- Simply Spelling, level A
Latin- Prima Latina

Our lessons are taking about 3 hours now, averaging 30 minutes for each subject and history is only 1 day a week. Latin is 4x a week, Science 3x a week with everything else daily. Much easier to manage with everything else!