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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wednesday in May

I'm sitting here willing my phone to ring to hear back from a job interview I went to yesterday. Ring ALREADY! Lol. A teller position at a local bank, I'll be working in the town I live in instead of driving 30-40 minutes away to my current job. Plus, I would be working stable, steady hours. I have my letter of resignation ready to turn in. I'm just waiting to hear, "We'd love for you to come join our team," or "I'm sorry, we've decided not to bring aboard at this time." Ring phone, ring.

Camille is working on Math-U-See while I type, once she's done she will read 10 more pages of Homer Price and then I'll allow her to finish watching the movie, That Darn Cat starring Hayley Mills. We started it last night but it became too late to finish. I treated her to a girls' night out, including dinner at one of my favorite restaurants- a Greek restaurant. Delish!

I'm planning on taking a week or two off in-between jobs if I get the teller position. It starts June 1st and if I turn in my two weeks' notice this week, I'll have time to take the kids to the beach and enjoy some time off. I've been stressed and go, go, go for the last 6 months, not really taking any time off. Even when I'm not working, I'm working or doing errands. Time has buzzed by me as I've rushed to take care of this or that. I miss homeschooling, I miss being home with the kids everyday and exploring at our leisure. I feel like I instantly changed lives with someone and I know I cannot go back to what we were doing but some balance would be nice. This new job would give us that instead of having to work 2-10pm one day and 8am-4pm the next.

Living with my parents has its perks but it also has it cons. It's hard feeling like you're 15 years old again while you have adult responsibilities and concerns! Lol. My main problem is that I don't have a social outlet as of yet other than going to the gym and I'm not at the gym to socialize anyways. I don't want to take away anymore time from the kids or make my parents responsible for the kids when I'm off work. The guilt. Oh man, the guilt. For 6 years, I've been a pastor's wife- now I'm not. For 3 years, I was a homeschooling mother. Now I'm not.

What am I now? A divorced, working mother. I'm still getting used to that. Especially when strangers want to tell me about Jesus. I used to say, "thank you, I'm pastor's wife" and we'd move on from the good news to chatting but now I can't say that. I guess I'm having identity issues, lol.

Come on phone....RING!




Teacher of One said...

Hugs & good luck!!

Luke said...

Whoa. Okay, I think I finally just caught up with where things have been. Somehow I overlooked the news...

Lord, I ask that You will provide the perfect job situation for Jessica. May Your grace and love surround her. Give her clear direction and continue to be near her. Amen.


Blondie said...

Oh, Jessica! you are a child of God, and that is one description that won't change!

Prayers for the phone to ring with welcome news!

christinemm said...

Jessica you are the same person today as you were before, just circumstances have changed and you are reacting to them by making changes in what you DO. You are still the same soul, the same person inside.

It felt odd for me when I was a SAH mom with a working husband then he had no job and I was an at home mom with an unemployed spouse and that was not what I'd signed up for. I know what you mean to say you are having an identity crisis. But what helped me realize things were fine is that the person we are inside is the same.

Sorry you feel guilty about being away from your kids more.

When we moved I lost my camera too. After almost a year I shelled out for a new one. Three years later I found it, lodged somehow up off the floor and stuck under my DH's passenger seat, the last place I used it was to take a photo of the house when we moved out. I'd checked there before but didn't see it or feel it there. Glad I found it that day before we sold the car. LOL. Hope you find your camera soon.

If you need a new one we have had great luck with getting $350+ cameras for $70 and free shipping. What a deal.

Anonymous said...


You are still a homeschooling, homeloving, homeworking and outside working mom! You were always a may not be somebody's wife, or the pastor's wife, but you are still Jessica and you are still a mom! And that in itself is good enough and even wonderful because you are worthy of great things happening in your life!

It will take time, but slowly you will begin to find yourself and God will write a new story for your life. You are so talented, even reading this post you wrote, it is oozing with talent.

You will find a way, God will make a way for new starts! And they won't be the old life, but it will be a good life and it will be your life! Keep your head up! I know good things are coming your way because I have faith that God will never leave you!

Much Love and prayers!!!

Dee in Sunny FL!

Chris said...

Finding our identity, not in what we do, but in Whose we are...that is a challenge, isn't it? But much more secure.

Love it when you post. You are still on my mind, on my heart, and in my prayers.

Chris in VA

Missy said...

Hope it rings for you soon. It's hard to get comfortable without old labels, but you'll be there soon enough. All in God's time. I've struggled with that myself many times.

Kristy said...

I think of you often. It's great to hear about that your taking your health by the horns and challenging yourself in that way. Working out can really be a psychological release. Good luck on getting that teller job!