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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A decision

I have been so torn as to what is best for the kids, the idea of sending Danny to preschool leaves me sad but I'm starting to believe it is what is best for him right now. He just wants to be his age and upon finding out that preschool with him at home only takes 20-30 minutes - I know he needs more.

He needs more than I can provide without sacrificing what Camille needs at this time. Camille is doing so well with her lessons, we've barely had any hiccups today and yesterday and they only difficult parts have been when Danny has been disruptive. I just cannot keep up with him and her at the same time. He loses interest in anything unless I'm involved and he wants me involved in everything he does. I don't want to sit him in front of the tv when the alternative is that he could be playing with other kids his age.

A friend told me not to feel too guilty because she knows mothers who stay at home without homeschooling and send their children to preschool, just to get something done around the house. Tomorrow, we'll be checking out a nearby church preschool and get more information. I think this is going to be best for all of us for this year, so I pretty sure I've decided to expel Danny from Trivium Academy for one year. Lol. I say that but he'll still get what I'm providing for him now plus what he gets at preschool so he's not really losing anything. We will probably continue with Horizons Preschool at home, depending on how things go.

This decision has been very hard. I've been praying about this for months and just because I'm making the decision- it doesn't mean it's in stone. I can change my mind later and pull him out, at any time. He will not go to kindergarten, if he goes to preschool this year, he will be home next year. That's non-negotiable.



Anonymous said...

I'm sure your decision was made with Danny, Camille and your best interests in mind.
I let dd go to preschool 2 days a week when she was 3 and 4. She thoroughly enjoyed, not only the interaction with the kids, but the cool materials, the songs and fingerplays, the neat science-y stuff--in short, a well-run, DAP program. Could I have done it at home? Probably. Am I glad she got the chance to do it there? Yup.
I'll pray you continue to have peace with this decision.
Chris in VA

CookieMonster said...

Although my preschool descision came about directly through the need for speech therapy, I found it to be beneficial to both my son and I in other ways too.

By the end of the year, I was ready for it to be done. But we both grew so much from the experience that I wouldn't trade it at all.

I guess I'm trying to encourage you by letting you know you're not alone.


Sheryl said...

I have a little boy that's 4 and I know he needs more. We are on a waiting list for a co-op that has classes for PreK as well as classes for my dd. The easier part for me is that my dd's schedule is not as intense as Camille's and this opens up more of my time to spend with ds. sounds like you have found a win win situation for all involved. I hope the final decision gives you peace and brings happy smiles to everyone's face.
Sheryl in GA

Michele said...

It is a very tough decision! I made it for the same reasons. I wanted my dd7 to get some undivided teaching time the first few years. I know she will be able to do more independent work next year when dd4 is home for kindergarten. The few negatives are 1. her grammar skills took a nose dive!

2. watching the clock to go pic dd4 up

But I think it has been worth it. Let her roll hard boiled eggs in paint and play with sand indoors at school!

Lisawa said...

I bet it was hard... and you are brave enough to do it... No guilt... because how can deciding what you feel as best for your precious boy ever be bad?? It can’t be. *Ü*

You gave me a giggle when you said expelled... lol you’re cute... and a great mum....


Anonymous said...

You've just lost a blog reader. I don't believe it is a wise decision and it refects a double standard for your daughter and your son. I'd rather not read your posts anymore.

Trivium Academy said...

Dear Anonymous,
Whether you read or not is completely up to you but as to the double standard I have to say....

My daughter attended preschool and public school kindergarten before coming home.

Preschool was great for her, she loved public school too. My main contention with the public school system is that they are more concerned with testing than with teaching, read our History and Philosophy link.

I'm not saying that preschool outside the home is the best option for everyone but in our home, it might be and I'm willing to try it- for my son's benefit.

Lol, trying to make me feel bad about losing a reader that I can't even's a joke, right?

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog a long time and I certainly understand such a tough decision. I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old that we are 'classically eclectically unschooling', and it can certainly be tricky.

The 3 year old plays educational video games on the computer for an hour a day, and we try to time it after school time so it ends up being a reward for participation. She's finally got using the mouse down. I also have her pretend to do whatever the older one is doing, so that she feels involved. She has her own notebook, and she draws letters while we do dictation, and she listens to her sister read stories outloud. She gets in on science projects and the art lesson especially. She gets bored sometimes and wanders off to play puzzles or Playmobile. She's counting and identifying letters and shapes so I think she's absorbing a lot.

My kids fight like cats and dogs though - two girls together often butt heads... often I've wondered if they both wouldn't benefit from a play group. On the other hand our oldest went when she was three and I don't know if it helped or she just picked up more bad habits. She didn't really learn anything she didn't know.

It's amazing how negative that Anonymous is, lol. Always causing trouble wherever I am reading.

Anonymous said...

I have homeschooled my children for 9 years. The preschoolers have always gone to preschool or to grandma's house in the morning. I could see no other way to get any meaningful work done with any of the kids, if the preschooler was there. This doesn't mean I didn't have plenty of time for the small child, it was just given at a better time for the whole family. Please do what is best for your children!

my5wolfcubs said...

No guilt! It's the TA+ version!

None of mine have been to preschool but you know I really considered sending my 6th grader to a classical school this year...because I thought it might be best for her.


my5wolfcubs said...

I just read all the other comments and laughed at the anonymous commenter who won't be back (or missed!)...and just wanted to say, if you put both kids in PS so you could, say, get a degree in French Lit, I'd still read your blog!

Just this afternoon, my 13yo said "Mom, let me take the kids to the park so you can do whatever you need to so you're not frustrated." They went and I cleared all the schoolbooks off the table, swept the kitchen floor, and vacuumed the living & family rooms. And then I thought "this is what it would be like if they went to school...I'd clean and then relax for the rest of the day, waiting for them to come home..." Of course, that is more fantasy then reality, but still... :)

Lee, faithful-but-not-always-daily reader!!!

Jennifer said...

Don't think that just because Danny is in a preschool that you are not still his primary teacher. My Samuel has been in some form of part-time "school" since age 2 and most of what he has learned still came from me. You look for opportunities to teach from life, as opposed to a curriculum. And I am a firm believer in reading, reading, reading.

Anonymous said...

I commend you for wanting what is best for your children, even if it means doing something you're unsure about. I can certainly understand you not wanting Danny to sit in front of the TV. Being in preschool would help out all the way around. And like you said, you can pull him out at anytime. As you school Camille, he is in an awkward place, he's too old to merely be "occupied" and at the same time too young to be included with big sister. He seems like he's pretty active, and this year in preschool could feed that. Next year, he will be more mature, probably a little more settled. I can see a big difference in just the past year with my dd(5). She can sit and pay attention for longer periods of time.
I will say a prayer for you. If it's meant to be the door will easily open. If it's not to be, you'll meet resistance.

Dawn said...

I just have to say that in my experience parenting is ALL about double standards. Different kids and the different environments each one is raised in requires different approaches.

It's ridiculously inflexible and almost blind to assert every child be treated the same way.

Heck, isn't that why we don't sen our kids to school? To escape that attitude? Goodbye Anon.

mom24 said...

Holy cow - I can't believe how judgemental some people can be! This is a personal decision based on YOUR walk with the Lord!

I think pre-k is the perfect time to send your little one to school. It's not a huge amount of hours but is enough to help you/Camille focus and help him get some structure while he grows through this early age.

We had our dd in pre-k last year. Other than the driving, it was the BEST choice we could have made both for her and for our 1st grader. That way both of them got great attention/teaching! And she is doing very well at home this year for K - the balance of 2 student is going better.

Keep on praying - God will continue to guide you to the right thigns for YOUR family!

ps.Since when does anon think that you're writing this blog for her/him anyway? LOL!

Renay said...

Jessica, Out of anyone I "know," though NOT IRL lol, you definitely don't make decisions on a whim. You thoroughly research information, ponder about it some more, pray about your options, and make the best choice you can - knowing - yes! you can go back if it doesn't work out! I know this was a difficult decision, not one that you would take lightly. God bless you as you continue to trust Him with everything and take daily steps on your journey of living & learning with love. I, as always, will visit your blog with great anticipation! Best regards, my friend.

Jennefer said...

Hi! Just catching up on all that's going on at TA!!!! I know that each family has a very personal decisions to make, but for my ds3 the two weeks of preschool he has completed (before the hurricane mess) have been a complete joy for both him and me! He is making friends, in a safe and loving Christian environment and *playing*. Being a middle child he struggles with playing alone and he gets sad when I need to dedicate what he perceives to be too much time with his older brother. Young children need to play and that's what he is doing. I still do school with him on M,W,F when he is home and those are sweet moments for sure.

Keep us posted on how it goes and we're rooting for you and Danny to find just the perfect fit!


Anonymous said...

Sounds like a well thought out decision and I'm sure that Danny will love it!

Every year brings us different situations and different expectations. That's the beauty of homeschooling, never having to lock into any decision because now you have the freedom to decide.

I think that this will be great for him and will teach him the structure that he needs to have when it comes time for him to do school with mom, if that's what you choose to do. He may just thrive in school and that may be the road for him, and maybe not...either way, you are his mom and we all know that no one can love them or nurture them as much as you do!

And as far as Anonymous goes, I just think that was a smelly troll.

Blessings on your journey! All journeys make us grow!

Dee in Sunny FL!

ps I love the new blog changes, but I have to admit that I miss the tree. LOL! Just ignore me, I'm terrible with change. :)

Jennifer said...


I applaud you for having the courage to recognize the difference between what you wanted for Danny and what he needs at this time. It's not easy for a Mum to let go of her ideal: "I can manage both kids at home and still meet all of their needs: social, emotional, academic..." and the real: "Danny needs more social attention; Camille needs more academic attention, and at this time I can't do both at all times."

How could anyone think preschool was worse than TV?! My boys both had wonderful preschool experiences. They played and painted and socialized and sang... they had fun! And we all have great memories of their time in the small church schools they attended.

You are NOT letting go of any of your ideals or responsibilities as a Mom by sending Danny to preschool. I don't know you personally, but from reading your blog, I can feel that you are a devoted, loving, attentive Mom who desires nothing but the best for your children - and anyone who can't read that from your posts is BLIND!

With this decision, you get a few hours a week to devote to Camille's studies, Camille gets your undivided attention for part of each day and Danny gets a few hours a week with his peers - and isn't socializing so important at his age - sounds like a win-win-win situation... and you will still have so much time with Danny to love, mold, teach, and hold him!

Again, cheers to you for recognizing the Lord's answer to your prayers. It wasn't what you had hoped, but it was His plan!


2lilreds said...

Both my girls went to preschool for 3 years each, and I don't regret it at all. I think it was a good experience for both of them. Even after I decided to homeschool Emma, I sent Abbie for one more year (when she was 4) to see how it would go with homeschooling. Both my husband and I agree that Schmooey will go to the same preschool, if we're still living here, because they have a fantastic program and it *would* make my life easier if I had a couple of mornings sans the boy. So, I don't think you're doing a bad thing - you can see what will work best for you, Camille and Danny. Good job mom!

the good, the bad & the ugly said...

This is a very hard decision. I think you are a very thoughtful, prayerful Mom. And you always seem to make decisions with your children in mind. I'm sure God will bless your decision! We chose to send our toddler to Mother's Morning Out this year for the same reasons. She absolutely loves her 2 days there. Never cried a tear! It has been a very good decision for all of us. Praying for you today and hoping this decision will go smoothly!
PS Parenting isn't for wimps,is it? Who knew all of the blood, sweat and tears that would go into each and every decision?!

Anonymous said...

Jessica, I know this was hard for you but I want to let you know I sent both my boys to my church's mother's day out. They went 2 days a week 9-1:30pm and it was great to be able to get something done or just relax. My youngest was going last year and that was my first year homeschooling my oldest and we got more accomplished on those 2 days than the rest of the week.

Danny will have a great time with other kids and learn some great stuff I'm sure. You're a great mom and teacher don't be too hard on yourself.{{HUGS}}

Nancy said...

I am sure this was a very hard decision, but I am also sure lots of prayer and thought went into it. I think even if you sent Danny to Kindergarten next year it would be fine and start formal schooling at home in first grade. This would give a couple more years to really focus on Camille and give her a great head start before having to devote ALOT of time to Danny. This will also give a good active/playtime education experience for Danny. My active son was very challenging to homeschool and I had to focus more on character and behavior than academics for our first and second grade year.

Angela said...

I think this is a great idea- I actually send my youngest to pre-school and she loves it. I could probably do it all- but she loves being at the school with the other children. Being around kids has helped her so much!

Carrie Thompson said...

I didnt struggle with the decision to send my eldest two to school but it crossed my mind with my third. I felt like I was really doing her a disservice, still sort of do. But I am trying to work though it and made a list of what I "want" to do with her and am really trying to make it happen. We all have choices and decisions and we just do the very best we can! I am sure it was hard but it's all good in the end. Doubt should only give us pause to think more deeply, not to reverse our decision. I cant imagine your decision isnt thougtht out!!! You are a thinker!