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Friday, January 16, 2009

I'm scared

I am and have been procrastinating on applying to college. I'm terrified. While I know working has added a responsibility to my life, I'm afraid of the ramifications of my own formal studies with real deadlines. I've lived my life for the last 5 or so years being very self-led as a stay-at-home mom. I've had projects and my own personal deadlines but I haven't had external factors with real consequences in a while.

I have little personal time right now and I feel I'm about to lose it, that it will be replaced with studying and writing papers for college. It might not be but I'm very protected of the little down time I have. In the end, it doesn't matter because I have to go to college, it is not an option. College is my only chance of a better life, a door to more opportunities than I currently have and I have to go through that door. Right now, I'm knocking on that door so lightly, it's almost inaudible so it's time to knock louder. I will finish my application TODAY, I will do everything but the CPT TODAY. I will call the library to set up a time next week to take the CPT with a proctor. No one else will do this for me, it's up to me to knock louder and walk through the door.

UPDATE: I have finished the application, financial aid information and everything but the college placement test, whew. I'm going to the library today to set up my test for next week. Now I'm praying that Federal Student Aid will take care of all the costs. I have a headache now, lol.

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14 comments:

Mama to 3 all-boy boys said...

I would be scared, too! But, I KNOW that you can do it -- you amaze me as a homeschool mom with all you do and create and plan, and I know you will be an amazing college student! God is with you, He knows your fears and He's there for you to lean on! God's best, Jessica.

Sherri in GA said...

Jessica, you can do this. You are right to be guarded with your time, but if you shose to do this than you CAN do this. A college degree is more about perseverance than anything else. You can do it!

Mom2jnb said...

Jessica,

I am in the same boat. I actually did some college years ago. Sent for my out of state transcripts they sent the wrong information so I have to go take a 3 hour test TODAY, in order to start classes next week. I have been a SAHM for the last 8 years. I too am very worried about the downtime I may be losing. We can do this together!! I will pray for you...you pray for me. In Him, Alison

Luke said...

With those pesky deadlines: I found what helped me was to start working on homeworker the very first night after class and get ahead. Then, when it came time to work on stuff, I didn't "have" to do anything, but I could get even further ahead. Then I was in control of my schedule, which I liked much more.

...

That's all I got.

Do well, and study hard [smile].

~Luke

Robin of My Two Blessings said...

You can do it! I found a great college with online courses - Excelsior. You are good at organizing and time management, so you shouldn't have any problem melding this into your schedule. It is scary, but once you take the plunge, everything will be alright. Remember we are all virtually holding your hand providing support as you walk through that door.

Good luck!

Robin

Anonymous said...

I know our situations are not identical, but I am a homeschooling mom with a 6yo, a 4yo, and a 1yo. I started back to college almost 3 years ago, and just got my associate's degree last month. I still have at least two more years to go before I will have my Bachelor's. You are right, it will be very hard work, and you will go weeks at a time without any time for you. But one thing I learned is that the time I spend on my own schoolwork IS me time. It may not be as enjoyable as a good novel, but it is something I am doing for myself, to better myself. And it is something that I can feel pride in myself for. I didn't realize that until I was actually holding my diploma in my hands.

Best of luck with your studies!
Maria

Donna in OH said...

Jessica,
I did this years ago as a single working mom. I, too, knew I "had to do it" - I didn't spend a lot of time analyzing that, it was my reality. I was tired and had less free time. BUT it was only temporary and led to much better things.

Don't get discouraged - you can do it! Try not to mourn the lost free time. You will have it again someday. Remember, there are no perfect lives without challenges. You are facing yours head on; keep on doing that and take heart at the good things you do enjoy. Protect your health, love your kids, work hard.

Smile,
Donna

Angela said...

You go girl- you can do it and if you are out of options this is the path God is taking you down! Good Luck!

Dayle said...

You can do it!!!!! You can!!!! Good luck on the test and I'll be praying the financial aid comes through for you. Hang in there, you'll do great!

Sailmom said...

Jessica, my dad went back to college at 37 years old, and I have to tell you what a fabulous example he set for me. It wasn't until years later that I realized how much I learned from his self-discipline, his study habits and his desire to educate himself. I have fond memories of sitting next to him doing my own homework, while he did his.

While there will certainly be challenges, please know that you're a wonderful inspiration for your children, and hang in there. :)

A little bit of crazy.... said...

Fear and faith don't exist together! You are more capable than most college students who manage to pull it off and don't forget that! I think you have nothing but success ahead of you.

Rev. K.T. said...

I am so proud of you for doing this! What a huge step and a great example to your kids! Don't forget your Christopher Robin quote, "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." If this is something you want to do for you, then you'll be well-balanced. I have no doubt you'll take plenty of time for your kids -- and that will balance your time taking classes. People think I'm crazy for homeschooling while working a full time pastorate, but homeschooling my kids is my "down" time, the time I have to spend with my time, and thus the wonderful time I GET to spend with my kids. You can do it. Peace be with you!

mitchsmom said...

I went back to school for my RN a few years ago... with three very little boys.
I took prereqs online first (did the work during naps and after bedtime!), then I picked a school that allowed part-time, and had as many classes as possible online... it was REALLY hard at times, but I was 100% committed to doing it (very important element... I wouldn't have gotten through the hard times if I'd had any doubt about whether I wanted to do it).

Well, I finished, have been an L&D nurse for 2.5 years. I made around 40k working part-time 2 days/wk this year (around my husband's shift work schedule). It can be hard work, but I totally LOVE what I do on most days!!
Best wishes to you!

School for Us said...

I haven't stopped by your blog in awhile and see you are going through lots of changes. I'll be praying for you!