Moving

The kids & I are moving next week to my parents' house. Dh and I are getting a divorce and have been separated since February 1st. I haven't been able to write about it and probably will never be able to write about the details that led to these events. I'm sorry for my silence but it has been necessary to prevent from sharing too much while we are still going through the legal issues.

Anyways, we're moving. Beginning a new life, unfortunately in the fall the kids will be going to school, Danny to either an elementary school program for pre-kindergarten or individual preschool and Camille will either be in 3rd or 4th grade depending on well she tests on a standardized test in May. I will begin a new job April 5th, a full-time position with benefits.

I will be afterschooling as much as I can, I can sit here and be idealistic and scheme all the wonderful things we'll be doing but I've learned recently that you just do what you can do, when you can do it. I've put off college for myself until Fall, I was supposed to start April 6th but goodness, I can't do everything! Lol.

I will continue blogging about our adventures, we'll probably be homeschooling through the summer to help Camille be ready for public school in the fall but the blog will be more about what we do on excursions and trials we face rather than about the nitty-gritty of homeschooling. I doubt there will be anymore schedules aligning curricula and curricula reviews. I cannot believe how many books I've sold in the last month or donated to others.

I have plenty to say about my hopes for us but I'm not willing to expand on that until we have settled into our new life that is quickly approaching. I have solid goals for attaining a Bachelor's of Science- Business Administration degree and getting us on solid footing financially. Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover has been such a blessing!

I'll blog again when I can.

A New Life

I think I'm ready.

Before Thanksgiving, we (the kids and I) were trucking along with a solid routine, enjoying ourselves. Then something happened in my personal life that had me reeling, as if the earth opened up and swallowed me whole. I'm unable to talk about it at this time but there has been many changes from Thanksgiving, all of which I think I'm finally regaining a bit of balance.

I've been working since December 2nd. Adjusting from being 100% stay-at-home mother to stay-at-home mom by day and work 20 hours during the night and weekends has been difficult. I am 100% dedicated to my children and having to give up time with them, what I consider crucial time - their bedtime routine, has been very hard for me. Reading aloud and snuggle time was replaced with management responsibilities of a store and for the kids, it has been hard to give up that Mommy time. I'd love to say that Dad has stepped in and maintained the routine but he hasn't. The kids now receive a terse bedtime and there have been many mornings that I discover that Danny is still in his clothes (instead of pjs) and his teeth were not brushed before bedtime.

It has been difficult to say the least. During my time off I've been torn on whether to clean the house or to spend time with the kids. In the last 3 weeks, I have decluttered our home to eliminate visual stress. Knick-knacks need to be dusted so off to Goodwill they went. I'm still "Spring Cleaning" mode but the house is more manageable for me, I know that I need to spend time sweeping, vacuuming, mopping and cleaning while I'm home to keep things manageable so some of our homeschool lessons are done with the scent of cleaner in the air and breaks of, "Mommy needs your help and then we'll do your science." Lol.

Another decision that was made in early December was to find Jack, our 1 year old golden retriever, a new home. While I love him and he was a blessing to our home- he was a stress for me. I found that I was not walking him enough, playing with him enough, or training him enough for his age. I was not being the dog owner that he deserved and I feel so blessed to have found him a home that he can grow in and be loved the way I wish I could at this time. He's doing great and his new family adores him so I can close that door knowing I did the right thing, especially knowing the stress it has alleviated for me. He went to his new family at the end of January and it's now been two weeks without him.

While I was working, finding Jack a new home and readjusting to a new lifestyle, I had to figure out how and where I was going to go to college. Having to play out the scenario in my mind of which one to select- the actual program of studies, whether to go on campus or to find an online solution, the cost and the end result, what in the world would our life be like after my degree- has been stressful all on its own. I feel like that I've had to trade lives with someone instantly and let go of all past expectations for our life for an uncertain future.

I explored nursing simply because I could get paid well and work 40 hours within a few days and be home the rest of the week but nursing does not amplify my natural abilities. It was a tough and difficult journey figuring out what type of degree to obtain that would allow me be the mother I want to be, amplify my natural abilities and have fulfilling work as well as be financially stable. After realizing that the college that I was trying to attend was the most expensive college in my area, not to mention unaffordable for me unless I took out student loans...I found my niche.

I looked back upon my work history and took at true look at myself. I was a graphic designer for 8 years but the most pleasure I had within that field was when I was managing a project or department, I enjoy streamlining procedures and finding more efficient ways to conduct business, I also enjoy customer service- a dying art in these times in my opinion. I thought I enjoyed graphic design because of the creative outflow of the actual graphics but stepping back and truly assessing my strengths, it was more in the management end than in the creative. That is why I never went to school for design, it wasn't my true passion. I realize that now. When faced with the course descriptions, Principles of Accounting interest me more than Human Anatomy and Physiology, lol. Instead of fearing the educational path before me, I'm excited.

After deciding that the most expensive college was not an option, which happened after I paid the $50 registration fee and applied for FAFSA as well as other scholarships and grants, I'm starting over with two colleges that I can attend online to obtain a Bachelor's in Business Administration with a few visits to the campus of the secondary college. Admission registration is not until April so I have plenty of time to hone my upper math skills and prepare for a college placement test although I regret missing the Spring session deadline, but all things come with time.

Also in December, I became increasingly frustrated with our financial situation, unable to get hub to get on a budget to pay off debt or to even show an interest in anything financial including having a savings account that wasn't emptied every single month. Once I started working, I knew I had to figure out a way to manage my own finances and decided to get smart about my own debt. Within the homeschooling circles I've heard a lot of about Dave Ramsey but I was still skeptical, I'm not a 'get rich quick' type of person and I didn't want to fall into any traps. I took a leap and bought The Total Money Makeover and I was sold. Through hard work and sacrifice I wrote out a plan to be personally debt free by December 2009 based on my income alone. I approached my hub with a plan to clear debt in his name by December 2010 but he wasn't interested, so I'm doing this for myself, by myself. After completing Baby Step 1, I will have paid off my first bill next month which if I kept paying the minimum payments, would take 49 more monthly payments to pay off. How freeing is that?

With all these changes to my life and the stress, I started losing weight from Thanksgiving to Christmas and once I realized that it was naturally happening, I decided to make a sincere effort to become more healthy. Working has helped tremendously in this area, instead of being sedentary at home watching tv, I'm physically working. There have been days that I don't even sit down except to drive from the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed. I'm watching what I eat, controlling my portions and only allowing myself occasional cheats like pizza or a cheeseburger. I have lost 20 lbs without an exercise or diet program, just replacing some of my eating habits and being more active. I actually feel depressed now if I spend a few hours in front of the tv just relaxing, lol.

My mom tried Nutrisystem but was unwilling to continue even though she lost 10 lbs because she had to have another back surgery. She's recovering and I just visited them with Camille to be a support, we cleaned my parents' house and decluttered a little by bringing home all of her Nutrisystem food (which is a LOT) and fabulous shoes she's unable to wear anymore after having 5 back surgeries. I have knee-high leather black boots now with high heels! I have beautiful white sandals to wear this summer and they all fit! I also brought home a Denise Austin exercise video with the rubber bands and a few other of those stretchy plastic torture devices, I joked with my mom that I'd knock myself out stretching those bands and having them snap me square on the head. I can be a little uncoordinated physically at times. I know a consistent exercise routine will help with my stress load and weight loss. I'm not trying to be a size 2, I just want to be firm and healthy, if that can be accomplished at a size 12, I will be happy. I have dropped sizes within the last 2 months and it has been a boost to my esteem. I don't have to shop in the plus sizes anymore to find something that fits but I haven't been doing much shopping either.

I am currently in counseling which I'm not sure is going to be helpful but I'm going anyway. We spent the entire first session trying to figure out how she can help me, outwardly I'm proactively moving forward- doing all that can and should be done. Internally, all of the positive changes in my life have made a positive impact but underneath all that positive stuff is the core reason as to why all of this happening. It's not something I can discuss freely with the world at this time so forgive me for the cloak and dagger treatment.

At work I'm training for a higher position, I have been acknowledged repeatedly by upper management, including the District Manager of the store I'm working at. I've just received my 60 day appraisal which had 'excellent' numerous times, which (toot, toot) is the highest evaluation you can get, and my immediate supervisor confessed that she's very rarely given anyone an 'excellent' rating, much less the majority of the appraisal. Can you see me beaming? At the core of all this success is the fact that I may be offered a position that is 40 hours a week. There are pros and cons to that but I have faith that everything will work out, one way or the other.

What was the purpose of this post? Well, first to get it all out and to identify the fact that I want to acknowledge what these last few months have been like to forgive myself for not being the homeschooling mother I've worked so hard to be. I've had to let go of many ideals and get down to the bare essentials. I haven't even mentioned the fact that Danny has had to adjust to a new preschool teacher or that my only living grandparent is battling Alzheimer's, or that I've been struggling with the idea of sending the kids to public school next year and wrestling with consistent idea that if I work, I won't be able to be the mother I want to be for my kids. So the purpose of this post is to acknowledge, forgive and move forward.

We are back on track with our lessons. We are taking one day a week to GO, either on a nature walk or field trip or just to go have fun doing something! Life is completely different than it was at the beginning of November but I think in a LOT of ways, it's better. It is so much better to walk in truth, even if it's hard and treacherous at times. This blog is my digital scrapbook of our journey and I'm ready to continue documenting.

I'm scared

I am and have been procrastinating on applying to college. I'm terrified. While I know working has added a responsibility to my life, I'm afraid of the ramifications of my own formal studies with real deadlines. I've lived my life for the last 5 or so years being very self-led as a stay-at-home mom. I've had projects and my own personal deadlines but I haven't had external factors with real consequences in a while.

I have little personal time right now and I feel I'm about to lose it, that it will be replaced with studying and writing papers for college. It might not be but I'm very protected of the little down time I have. In the end, it doesn't matter because I have to go to college, it is not an option. College is my only chance of a better life, a door to more opportunities than I currently have and I have to go through that door. Right now, I'm knocking on that door so lightly, it's almost inaudible so it's time to knock louder. I will finish my application TODAY, I will do everything but the CPT TODAY. I will call the library to set up a time next week to take the CPT with a proctor. No one else will do this for me, it's up to me to knock louder and walk through the door.

UPDATE: I have finished the application, financial aid information and everything but the college placement test, whew. I'm going to the library today to set up my test for next week. Now I'm praying that Federal Student Aid will take care of all the costs. I have a headache now, lol.

Adjusting

I'm still adjusting to a major lifestyle change and this blog is the last thing on my mind. I feel sorry for not posting but in the overall picture of my life, this blog has very little priority. Last week was our Week 13 and I didn't do a report because it was a very light week. There wasn't many pictures to take.

The reality is that we have not done a nature walk since Thanksgiving. It seems whenever I have a day off from work, the weather is threatening rain or I have errands to do...or I'm so tired I need to rest. I just finished reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and now I have 'gazelle intensity' to go through the steps. If you're familiar with the book, I will have Baby Step One completed by the end of this month, and the forecast is that by next Christmas, Baby Step Two will be accomplished. When I say that, I mean personally, not household wise. I'm so glad to find out that Camille's dad (my ex) is also going through his own TMM and is further along in the steps than I am. I'm thrilled for both of us!

I'm also reading Parenting With Love and Logic, but it's hard to read two fabulous, life-changing nonfiction books at once so I put it down to finish TMM. I just finisheed TMM last night so I will pick it back up again. I haven't read any fiction since reading the Twlight series back to back in a weekend but I sense a need for a little fun reading coming up.

On the homeschooling front...
We are on Week 14, we started Writing Tales 1 this week, The History of Medicine by John Hudson Tiner in science and we have dropped piano lessons. Dropping piano was a hard decision. Camille enjoys playing but she's not enjoying the lessons and not showing enough dedication to continue paying for lessons. She wants to participate in a sport but the reality is, both her dad and I work nights. This may be an area of sacrifice for a little while.

Lately, I've been questioning how effective I can truly be as a teacher while working and going to school myself. My mind and heart is now open to the possibility that public school may be the better option for the short term but I'm not quite ready to give up yet. Danny has been tested and I'm calling the special education department to learn more about his test results today, they noted he has some delays and I want to find out exactly what they have concluded those are. I have a strong feeling he will benefit from doing kindergarten at public school instead of at home. Usually at this time of year, I'm clamoring to purchase next year's curricula but this year I want to wait.

I will do a weekly report this week regarding what Camille and I are doing this week.

Let's see, is there any other news to report?
Hmm. Oh, yeah. I've lost 12 lbs! From the beginning of December, which is when I started working to now, I have lost a total of 12 lbs. I'm in the process of adding more physical activity to my life, including finding a DVD workout that I enjoy, bike riding more (including to work, possibly) and doing a lot less sitting at the computer.

The only problem with riding my bike to work is that I don't want to show up to work all sweaty and have to leave the house so early. It takes me 10 minutes of steady pedaling to get from my front door to work which is GREAT but I would have to change clothes once I was at work and put my makeup on(?) and I wonder if the logisitics are worth it. Plus, I'd be riding home at 10:30pm and even though I'm not afraid of that, I do not wish to get sick from riding in the night air.

So if I did ride my bike to work- I'd have to leave the house 30 min. before I needed to be at work (10-15 min ride, 15 min freshen up at work), I'd carry a backpack with my clothes and makeup, a jacket for the night air and leaving work to go home for dinner would not be an option, so I'd be paying for my dinner at work unless I packed a dinner. I'd have to buy accessories to outfit my bike for commuting - like a headlamp, preferably a basket or backend platform. I'd rather pack my lunch than buy it at work, at least most of the time and that means I'd have to carry it too. I don't wish to carry my lunch in the same compartment as my work clothes, know what I mean? This is the kind of mental exercise I don't need right now so I've put off doing this until the weather is a bit more stable. Not 50° one night and 70° the next.

I'm so stinking excited about my own TMM! I am working on the household budget too but I can't do too much with it, esp. since dh doesn't wish to have a budget, see a budget or even consider a budget. I'm doing what I can within the perimeters I have but I have paid off two of his medical bills and will apply the debt snowball to paying off the rest. I have two bills in my name, a medical bill and credit card. Those are what I will be working on within my own TMM. Everything else is in dh's name.

I don't think I have much else to report other than little happenings so I'll end this post here.

Week 11 & 12 Report

Week 11: December 8-14
Adjusting to working part-time at night, this week I had 30 hours at work (phew) with only 2 days off the entire week. We studied the Cherokee and Camille made a feathered headband in history.

I dropped a read aloud from our history time. The learning room became Camille's bedroom so we moved our two huge bookcases to where our dining table is, I moved my computer desk to the other side of the room and Camille and I disassembled the bunk bed she and Danny were using and transferred a twin bed to the learning room. She decided she wanted to keep posters up so we did.

We divided her toys from Danny's and bought under the bed storage for her to have a 'dresser' under the bed. Problems were starting to creep up from Danny and Camille sharing a bedroom. First, Camille needs a little privacy; second, Danny thinks Camille should always clean the room by herself. "Sissie will do it." We're still working on keeping our bedrooms clean and clothes picked up but it's better now that they are in separate rooms. I just wish the computer desk weren't encroaching on her personal space. She's happy though and I'm just so proud of her for being flexible about it albeit I feel guilty. Our lessons are being done mostly at the dining room table now.

Since I had Thursday, Dec. 11th off from work, I took Camille to see Santa at the mall and we played a bit of hooky from our lessons. I've realized there are times that you do the essentials and let the rest fall by the wayside to spend quality time, which is so much more important.

Sunday, Dec. 14th- I took both the kids to Bass Pro Shop to see Santa and of course, there was a discussion about Santa and his helpers with Camille. I didn't realize that Bass Pro Shop was taking pictures of their own and giving us a copy! How nice!

The kids had a Christmas Party at church on Sunday, where they saw another Santa, but this Santa gave presents! Camille received the Zoob Creator Set and Danny received a Bumblebee Transformer- both were so excited!


Week 12: December 15-19
This week I've had 3 days off back-to-back. Camille and I picked up the pottery projects we had done- a plate for Danny and a plate for her dad, which turned out great! I need to take a picture before we wrap them. Lessons went well, we did the essentials, I know Camille's retention is Latin is mediocre but I'm lacking the luster to do more than what we're doing. We played Exact Change this week for math with a sprinkling of exercises from Horizons math, this went well.

Wednesday, I got paid so Camille and I did Latin and reading before heading out for the day. We went to transfer my car from my dh's name to mine (yay!), to Target to buy roller skates for Christmas which sort of ruined the surprise for her but she was more than glad to 'pretend to be surprised' on Christmas morning. I wanted her to try on the skates so I didn't buy the wrong size, it worked out. I bought myself a new bathrobe which I've been looking for at a good price for a year now. I also splurged and got her lip gloss and glittery stick-ons for her nails. We had a pleasant day together before going to pick up Danny at preschool.

After picking up Danny, I went to Blockbuster to rent Mamma Mia! and Batman: The Dark Knight for myself since dh was going to a Jacksonville Jaguar game on Thursday and got Danny's shaggy hair cut. Since it was Wednesday, the kids had youth at church so I was able to enjoy a little quiet time at home without anyone so I watched Mamma Mia! while they were gone. It's a little cheesy but I loved it and the music stays with you.

Thursday- Camille and I did our last lessons before our break (for a week) and then made peanut butter cookies and chocolate covered pretzels and strawberries. We still need to make chocolate chip cookies and next week, we'll make sugar cookies with frosting for Santa. I cooked my first Boston Butt in the crockpot and we had tender, juicy bar-b-que sandwiches for dinner and watched The Polar Express. After Polar Express, I made the kids' homemade cocoa and we watched The Cat in the Hat and The Lorax on tv before they went to bed.

Today (Friday)- We are making our chocolate chip cookies, busting open a Piñata (from our history lesson this week on the Spanish War/Alamo) and going to see....The Tale of Desperaux! I miss our nature walks and today would be a perfect day for one since it's 80° in December (disgusting) but the kids' think it's pretty special that they will be among the first to see the new movie.

The craziness is about to start. My mom and I are holding our breath to see if the last-minute gifts I ordered online for her (she's scared someone will steal her identity if she orders online) will arrive before Christmas Eve. My parents are coming here Christmas Eve, we're going to Dh's dad's house Christmas Day and Camille will be going with her dad sometime in-between and after? Yep, craziness. I put off college until February because of all this! I have to relearn how to do fractions, decimals, and percentages before taking the College Placement Test so that I don't have to take a remedial math class.

I've had to really contemplate 4th grade and Kindergarten for next year, since I'm approaching the time I normally order next year's curricula. I've decided to have Danny tested at the end of June to see where he is developmentally and what would be best for him- homeschooling or K at public school. Camille will be tested this year as well, at the end of 3rd grade, possibly in May.

I will add pictures of the piñata and pottery dishes later...

Wordless Wednesday Dec 17

Wordless (Almost) Wednesday 12/10

"Mom, I built you a house!" Danny building with wooden blocks.


The gingerbread house we built last Friday.

Friday Nature Walk 11/28

On Black Friday, instead of heading to the stores- we headed outside for a nature walk.

On Break

Whew! I needed this break and I'm so glad that I have us off for two weeks. We're only taking one week for Christmas because it's not in-between our quarters so I won't have planning to do.

Camille has a recital December 5th and her teacher is not happy with her lack of progress in her note reading, for the last two months. It's good to be able to focus on this without any other formal studies. We're leaving tomorrow for my parents' house and I probably won't be online much for the next 4 days. I hope to take the kids on a nature walk while we're gone though so I'll be back with pictures from South Carolina.

We're still reading Swiss Family Robinson, I'm taking Camille's Prima Latina flashcards that she made so we can play Latin Memory- I better make a cheat sheet for myself- and Times Tales so we can start on the Part II stories.

Everything is ready for us when we come back, TOG Year 3- Unit 2, Math on the Level and Science- which are my only subjects that I really have to do much prep in at all. We do have a chicken leg bone soaking in vinegar so that we can bend it when we get home, a project from Head to Toe Science.

I have one more week of teaching Sunday School so we'll be back Saturday. Next week, I'll be exploring the different colleges in our area to find one to attend, hopefully in January if not then in the Spring as well as getting a part-time job at night. I'm going to be extremely busy very soon. Our finances haven't been healthy in the last 5 months and dh's medical bills are a constant drain that only deepens with each procedure he needs. This is going to be a very tight Christmas, the tightest we've ever had. I know others are feeling it too this Christmas and some will be giving each other the present of their company rather than wrapped gifts. I'm just glad I'm able to go home for Thanksgiving and be with my folks.

Friday Nature Walk

Let's go for a walk.

We took our Junior Ranger program and worked on the plant study, here's what we found.


A flower with more than 5 petals


A fuzzy seed that can be carried on the wind


Spanish moss (flowering plant not really a moss)



A vine and a hiding critter


Look Mom, red berries!
Junior Ranger- a red flower or fruit
and a berry- look inside for seeds (Camille did)


Camille pointing to Sparkleberry


A fruit with hooks, sweetgum
and Danny wanted his picture taken too




Danny's holding Magnolia leaves



A fern


Ground lichen, looks like dirty snow but it's not.


and a close up of Cladina evansii ("powder-puff lichen", or "deer moss")


This was light green, the lady at the park said this was greybeard moss but Spanish moss is also called greybeard. Sigh. I need a book on lichen.



Camille says this is an insect's nest


Pink all over the tree? Lady at the park said it's called pepto-bismol but I can't find it in either my field guides or online so- yes, I need a book on lichen!


More pink lichen?

Camille completed Level III of the Fruits & Flowers section of her Junior Ranger program, finding 9 of 12 items.

Fire Safety Field Trip

Firefighter dressed completely, they turned on the air tanks and talked through their speakers. I'm so glad they did that because as a child, I would be scared of a giant figure walking towards me breathing and talking like an alien. Lol.

The kids holding hands, waiting to enter the smoke house to simulate how to safely get out in case of a fire. Danny is still pointing at our smoke detectors and teaching us to crawl out!

Camille is whizzing past me and Danny is crawling behind her. He has red eye from the camera.

Now here's the demonstration that we witnessed, sorry about the picture quality- it's from my digital camera.