The lies.

The amount of lies that I've had to sort through during this whole ordeal is mind-boggling. Especially coming from a pastor, his wife and the slanderous ways she talked about me with her mom and friends on a public forum. By the way, I'm just a 'bio' mom that was just a womb, I'm not a real mother. Very Christian.

Despite the fact that I haven't lied and do not lie and did not lie at any point during this whole situation- Danny's dad wanted to claim that I used sriracha hot sauce and gave Danny a whole teaspoon full, claiming that Danny said so. I tried to explain that Michael uses sriracha on his food and that he often has the bottle on the table at dinner but at no time did I ever use sriracha as punishment, that I used Texas Pete and ONLY two drops on a spoon that Danny put in his own mouth. He still contends that I used sriracha and even had his attorney challenge me on the stand to eat the amount that my ex claims I gave Danny (I told him I would if he required it). They (my ex and his wife) made Danny pick out hot sauces at a grocery store! Of course I can't say that Danny is mistaken about the hot sauce because then I'm telling my ex that Danny is a liar.

"to say otherwise is to call our son a liar.  Is that what you are doing, calling Danny a liar?  Yes, I did that and would not hesitate to do it again.  I want you to know that, so hopefully, that will keep Danny safe."

I do not recommend using hot sauce in any form, any amount as punishment for anything. In fact the only forms of discipline we use are time outs, loss of privileges and grounding. I will not allow any lack of communication and lack of involvement from the other co-parent damage our son in any way shape or form. I will continue to encourage a healthy relationship between Danny and his father. I will not put up with being mistreated or manipulated any more.

I've (and my attorney) uncovered more lies than I even anticipated I would. My ex lied on the witness stand so many times I stopped writing "not true" for my attorney and just kept circling the words. His father, another pastor, lied on the stand as well.

(Flashback 2009) I never did write about how I left him. My ex had two back surgeries within the last year of our marriage. He became dependent on the pain medicine and when his doctor cut him off, he started drinking up to four beers a night. For a normal person, that wouldn't be such a big deal although four beers is a lot in my opinion but he was self-proclaimed recovering alcoholic and attended Alcoholics Anonymous for years. Back when we were dating he said that I needed to attend Al-anon meetings just because I was dating him. When I realized he was drinking I became very concerned, especially since he is very verbally abusive as well. Not a good mix. I separated from him, moved him out of the master bedroom and into one of the other bedrooms in the parsonage we were living in. (The one we used for our schoolroom in fact.)

One day he was gone from the house but had left his computer on and his email logged in. I found an email from him to his younger brother asking for a quarter ounce. I was shocked and scared. I was working part-time at night so I could afford to leave him and I was very worried about the kids when I find an email where he's asking his brother for dope. I bought a digital recorder started recording conversations and I left the recorder on while I was at work so I could at least know what was happening while I was gone. I found his stash when I was cleaning the house one day, in a man's shaving kit in the hallway bathroom. I took pictures and found an attorney immediately. Not only was he using, he had brought it into the parsonage! I was trusting him to take care of the kids when I was at work!

For two weeks I took pictures until I could hire an attorney and get in front of a judge to get him removed from the house with an Ex Parte. It took me a week to get in front of a judge with an attorney whereas it took him hours to find a judge to do his bidding. I had to go to court, I didn't go to the judge's house and have papers signed outside of court.

Ex's wife wrote on her forum, "It was signed by the judge at his house, actually."

He denied the email he wrote to his brother, "that's not mine, I've never seen that before in my life," he testified. Then when my attorney showed him the pictures of the dope, he knew he had been caught, "yes that was mine." When my attorney asked where he got the dope from, he replied, "I plead the 5th."

Both my ex and his father (both pastors) testified that the district superintendent was the one who said for them to contact the judge on a Saturday. They accepted no personal responsibility for turning Danny's life upside down, it was the district superintendent's fault. What I would like to know is why the church is getting involved in such matters? Why does members of the ministry get access to public officials that the general public doesn't get access to? Just because you're a pastor, does that mean you're truthful? That you're not going to stretch the truth to suit your own selfish wants and desires?

Custody was not changed. Danny remains in my primary physical custody and continues to visit his dad every other weekend. The judge dismissed the petition, DSS has closed the case and life resumes. I continue to endure ex's rantings and lack of involvement in Danny's life. He interrogates Danny nightly about what is happening at our house. I'm in the process of trying to recoup the $4080.00 he owes me in back child support because he was supposed to pay for Danny's preschool year at the private school last year but refused to, court is next month.

This is the only area of my life that I have any strife. Camille has a wonderful supportive father and we co-parent Camille together. My husband Michael is fabulous, I couldn't ask for a better man, I can't say enough about him. He is my best friend, favorite companion and my Prince Charming. I have a wonderful job that I love and wonderful supportive friends. I have good solid relationships with my family, my husband's family and I am very grateful for all the blessings in my life. I would be more worried for Danny but he has strong, solid, good men in his life as father figures that teach by example as well as spend quality time with him. 

Writing about all this has been so healing. I didn't write about it for the longest time because I struggled with writing about someone else's sins. I didn't write about it because I didn't want my ex's actions to reflect upon the ministry as a whole. I didn't write about it because I was afraid of how he would use my words against me. I'm done being afraid. The truth is the truth is the truth. I've prayed for my ex and his new wife who is pregnant with their first child, I wish them happiness and health. I don't wish ill upon them at all although I may have been angry with them. I don't understand why things have to be so hard, I will continue to love and care for Danny with all my being and pray that he turns into a responsible loving man like my husband, Michael.

I will continue blogging at Our Blended Family. The chapter has closed on Trivium Academy and I'm leaving the blog up to be a resource for other homeschoolers. Thank you for reading. Murphy has left and life continues.

Co-Parenting Resources : Getting Free : Custody Battles

Tuesday, December 7th

Where did I leave off? Let's see, Friday's nightmare, the weekend and now the next week. I forgot to mention that on Monday morning, my ex sent me a text message that he'd put a stop payment on the child support check I had just deposited into our account. It seemed obvious to me that money was playing a large part of why he was doing this.

Wednesday night, we met the caseworker from the Department of Social Services. When I introduced myself to him I told him, "I don't think I've ever been so happy and scared at the same time to meet someone." He laughed. I was relieved to actually have someone to talk to about this insane situation and get some concrete answers as to what was going to happen. I knew I didn't have anything to worry about, I'm not a child abuser, no matter what my ex wanted to claim. Let's call the caseworker David. David came into our home, sat down in our living room and we talked for about 30 minutes about the events that had transpired. I showed him the documents, the stop payment text and he said right away that my ex was doing everything he could to get out of paying child support and that this was a legal case. He asked if I had a lawyer and if I was fighting him and I told David, "you betcha."

I asked David if he wanted to see the house, see Danny's room and he said yes. I took him around, he said- "it is obvious this is a very loving home and the kids are well taken care of, unfortunately I have to do my job but I don't see a reason for this case to be open at all." He said he felt it was a waste of time. I was relieved but also upset at the same time. My ex had contacted the Department of Social Services, emailed the director to get the ball rolling. He really didn't care about due process or the fact that the department of social services would NEVER have removed Danny from my custody. Yet, Danny was in Georgia being told that he was going to be living with Daddy (and his new wife) from now on.

My ex wouldn't even let me speak to Danny on the phone for almost a week. It wasn't until his lawyer told him to that he allowed me to speak to Danny and he made it known he was listening in and even recording the conversations. I tried to be normal with Danny, I talked to him about his day but didn't want to hear about his father- I read him his favorite books over the phone and tried to keep the conversation light. It was hard. From what Danny was saying, he was being told that he'd be living there from now on and how wonderful life would be at his dad's. His dad immediately got him involved in the church Christmas play, enrolled him in basketball but waited a week or so before enrolling him in school.

He actually asked me to WITHDRAW Danny from the elementary school he was attending here in South Carolina so he could enroll him in Georgia. Yeah, let me jump on that one...

I was a little busy doing research. It seems the judge that signed Petition of Custody is a member of same church Danny's dad's dad (Poppa) was a pastor of for six plus years. We had a hearing set for December 17, 2010 in which we would appear before the same judge and argue our cases. I was ready to fight but the fight had to be delayed when it was obvious that we wouldn't have a fair trial based on the fact the judge had some type of personal relationship with my ex or my ex's father. We had the hearing moved to another county in Georgia which only delayed the hearing.

Once the case was moved, I had my lawyer file for a dismissal of the Order of Nisi (the temporary custody order) and allow Danny to come home since my ex had just allowed Danny to visit unsupervised with us the week after Christmas. (Yeah, I'm that much of a threat...) The judge quickly reversed the temporary custody order and on January 5, 2011- Danny came home. One month after being gone! Almost a full two and half weeks of school missed. Tons of lies said and the list goes on. The final hearing was scheduled for February 4, 2011.

to be continued...

Friday and Events After

Friday, December 3rd seemed like an ordinary day. The kids went to school, Michael and I went to work. Michael and I were working full time and so the kids would go from school to afterschool, which is where Danny's dad would pick him up to begin their weekend visitation. Around 2:40pm, I received a text from Danny's dad that he was waiting for Danny's school bus to arrive.

Around 6:40pm I was driving home from work and I received a call from Michael. "Babe, there's a police officer here who wants to talk to you." I asked to speak to him and was told that the officer wanted to talk to me in person. I told Michael I was still about 20 minutes away and would be there as soon as I could. I hung up the phone with my hubby and my mind started racing. Was Danny & his dad okay? Had there been an accident? I didn't want to start calling people to make sure they were alright just in case that isn't what the officer wanted to talk to me about. I thought about the woman whom I had to file a witness report about a few weeks earlier, wondered if it was about that.

By the time I got home, my mind needed a break. The officer has told Michael to call dispatch once I had arrived home so he could return knowing I was there. We waited and waited. About 20 minutes after I arrived home the officer returned to talk to me, I met him in the yard. "Ma'am, do you have a six year old son?" Gasp. "Yes." "Was he picked up by his father this afternoon?" Another gasp. "Yes, are they alright?" "Yes, ma'am. Did you give your son hot sauce as punishment?" I looked at the officer wondering what he was getting at but answered honestly, "yes, last night." "When was the last time you saw your son," he asked. "This morning at 6:45am when I kissed him good-bye for school. Why," I replied. "Did you son have a rash on his face at that time," he asked. "No he did not, there was nothing on his face. It was 30 degrees out this morning, he might have some chapping underneath his lip because he bites it but there wasn't anything on his face this morning," I answered.

Then he and I talked about using hot sauce as punishment and whether it was the same as using soap to wash a child's mouth out. The officer shared that one of his fellow officers puts hot sauce on their children's fingers to keep them from biting their nails. I asked him if I had anything to worry about and he said no. He was just told he needed to come ask me about Danny and file his report. The school hadn't called me, the afterschool place hadn't called me, what was this rash that the officer was talking about?

I called Danny's dad at that point. He asked me if I had given Danny hot sauce and I told him yes. He then exploded in an a "I got you!" way, throwing accusations and labels of abuse at me, "I have you on tape!" He was recording our phone conversation. I told him that he was blowing things way out of proportion and that he should have called me before calling the police. He then told me that he didn't call the police, a physician did. A physician? I asked him if Danny was alright and he said yes, except for the rash he had on his mouth that Danny was saying that came from the hot sauce I had given him the night before. I asked to see a picture of Danny, his dad refused. I asked to see the physician report, his dad refused. I told him again that he was blowing the situation way out of proportion and that all that was needed was a conversation between him and I about parenting techniques.

It was about 8:30pm at that point and Danny was three hours plus away in Georgia at his dad's house. I couldn't decide if I needed to go get him or not, I didn't want to cause Danny any stress by showing up to reclaim him because his dad was acting off his rocker and not giving me any information. I called the police department where his dad lives and asked for them to go to the house and check on Danny. The police officer went and called me back, said Danny was physically fine and a very happy child. He said that Danny asked him about being a police officer and said that Danny was watching tv when he arrived. Okay, my momma bear could calm down a little, he was fine although his dad seemed to have gone off the deep end.

The next day (Saturday), I went to work. I only work until about 2:30pm on some Saturdays and when I left that day I saw that I had a voicemail message and text message on my cell phone. The text message was gibberish sent by Danny's dad. The voicemail was clear, "I'm calling to inform you as per my attorney, Mr. Blankety Blank name of City, Georgia, that I will be in front of the Honorable Judge Whatshis where he is going to sign Danny over to me, full custody. You can fight it if you wish but until then, Danny is all mine." ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON! I listened to that message about five times before it really sank in what was happening.

I called my parents and told them what was happening. They didn't understand how custody could be signed over on a weekend either. I called every government agency I could find in Georgia and South Carolina was unable to reach anyone. I called all day Saturday and Sunday and all I could reach is the police departments. The Georgia police department said that if my ex had been able to get a judge to sign a paper that it was legal.

In the Superior Court of                  County
State of Georgia

Civil Action, File # _____________

              , Plaintiff
vs.

              r, Defendant

Petition for Change of Custody

l. Comes now Plaintiff and files the following petition for a clange in custody of his
minor child, namely Daniel                , DOB               , which child is now
located in                , Georgia in a state of deprivation and abuse, and this court
has jurisdiction over the welfare of this child.

2. The parties were divorced in                , Georgia on or about                , 2009, a copy
of which is attached to and made "part of this petition" as Exhibit A.

3. The parties were awarded joint custody of the child with Defendant designated as
primary custodian. The child is now in the custody ofthe Plaintiff during regular
scheduled visitation and is found to be in a state of physical and emotional abuse,
suffered at the hand of the Defendant. The minor child was found to be suffering from
corporal punishment and Defendant has admitted to Plaintiffand to                ) that she administers hot
sauce which causes the child to break out in red splotches as a consequence. Plaintiff
contacted Defendant who readily admits that she administers hot sauce as punishment,
which conduct is abusive to the minor child and contrary to the appropriate care and
welfare of said child. Plaintiffis awaiting a complete investigation of this matter by local
authorities and is in need of an Order of Protection, pending such investigation requesting
that the minor child will remain in the custody of the Plaintiff pending further inquiry.
Petitioner shows that there has been a substantial change in circumstance, materially
affecting the welfare of said minor child. Plaintiff requests that the Defendant be ordered
to show just cause why said child has been placed in a state of deprivation and abuse and
why custody should not be changed to remain with Petitioner, wherefore Plaintiff that an
Order Nisi requiring Defendant to be and appear and show cause why custody should not
be awarded to and continue in Plaintiff and the Plaintiff have other relief as said best
interest in the child.

Sworn to and subscribed before me
this 4th day of December 2010

Signed by my ex, with Pro Se under his name and the Judge's signature. No civil action file number, no stamps of notary, no court stamp or anything to indicate it happened IN court. The police departments in Georgia and South Carolina said it was legal, it was highly unusual but legal.

This was emailed to me finally at 10:28pm on 12/4/2010. My ex still hadn't provided any pictures or physician report of Danny and was not answering my calls. He told me to direct all communication to his lawyer. A man that I called on Saturday afternoon and had no clue about a hearing with a judge but had talked to my ex earlier that day.

I called my police department and asked to speak to the same officer I had on Friday. He came back by our house and I showed him the Petition and what my ex was saying that I and he had said. The officer looked at it and said he didn't say those things in his report. He advised me to get a lawyer right away and to also go to the police station and get his copy of the report. He said that my ex had argued with him on the phone to arrest me on Friday night. Monday, I called around in Georgia to find a lawyer and to get as many answers as I could. I called all the government agencies again, only to find out that Georgia Department of Family Services didn't have a case against me, and that most people thought the entire situation to be out of the norm and very odd how a child's custody could be changed on the weekend.

Tuesday, we drove to Georgia to meet with lawyers. We hired one around 3pm on Tuesday. When we returned home from driving all day, we had a notice on the door that S.C.'s Department of Social Services had visited and wanted us to call. I called 4x and received no answer but left 4 messages. I got a call back a few hours later and made an appointment for the following day at 5:30pm to speak to the caseworker at our home.

to be continued....

The Door that let Murphy in

The story I'm about to tell is true. If it had involved different parties, maybe the story wouldn't need to be told at all because it would have been resolved quickly and would have just been a parenting misstep.

I don't think I'm any different than other parents that wish to raise responsible and caring children. I read parenting books, I've probably read more books about raising children, teaching morals & values, how to's of parenting than most. I still have a parenting book arsenal, one that I refer to when I feel the need.

Danny has always very spirited, I've written about getting fat lips from him head-butting me and his outbursts at times. He has a very strong will and a one-track mind. Last November, we were having one of those periods when he wants what he wants and he wants it right now and discipline with time-outs, grounding, and taking privileges away were not being very effective.

Danny can be very physical, a few times he and Camille had gotten into a physical argument over something trivial like who gets to use the #1 Wii remote. Camille being older (not much bigger) would rather just engage in a physical fight than to get me involved- the only time either of them like me to be involved is if one of them gets hurt and they want to stop and start pointing fingers at each other.

Danny has speech issues, he gets very frustrated when he's in a hurry to communicate or when things are happening faster than he can object to. Yelling is common when he is rushed or he feels some type of immediacy is needed. He also will flat-out refuse to listen and argue with having to stand in the corner or go into a time-out. In about mid-November, I had reached the point where the corner, time-outs and grounding was not very effective. The three months before Christmas is rough for us. Danny is very toy obsessed and it's only gotten it's very worst in the last year.

As a child of divorce, Danny gets to have two households, two separate families and on his Dad's side- that means a LOT of toys. He gets toys just for being at Dad's house from Dad, Poppa (Dad's dad) and even his stepmom's parents. I'm very conservative when it comes to toys, birthdays and Christmas with an occasional 'surprise' every now and then but not because a child demands a toy. Poppa is old-school, he equates loves with money and the more he can buy you, it means the more he loves you. Although I objected to the toy buying due to Danny's developing toy-obsession- my requests went ignored. What's wrong with getting him a toy? He's a good boy? He's my _______ and I'll buy him a toy if I want to.

Well Danny turned into a little Veruca (Willy Wonka). I want ____ and I want it right now! His impatience for waiting for Christmas was growing thin and my patience for his increasing outbursts was growing then as well. I reached into my parenting book arsenal and pulled a book out that I hadn't used in a long time.


I had always appreciated the 'toolbox' organization of this book. I looked up a few different things to help me try new discipline techniques with Danny. As I read, I saw where I had already used quite a lot of the techniques such as if a child didn't wish to take care of their belongings, put them away for them (for awhile...) and when the child missed it, tell them they could have it once they showed they would take care of it.

To skip all the other techniques I tried in November from the book, I'll get to the one that created so many problems in our life. On page 151, there's a suggestion to spank your child's tongue with hot sauce for lying or disobedience of the tongue. It says to put a few drops on your finger and put your finger on your child's tongue.

Given that Danny's adversarial reaction to discipline was to yell at me and have a fit, I thought I would try it. I didn't feel comfortable sticking my hand in Danny's mouth or somehow forcing the hot sauce into his mouth in any way. I put two drops of Texas Pete hot sauce on a spoon and handed him the spoon to put in his own mouth. I had a glass of water on the counter for him ready. It worked. He didn't like it but it was quick and effective. Danny and I talked about what had happened and why he was being punished and what to do better next time like we always do. We hugged and he went back to playing.

Over the next week or so Danny had hot sauce one more time and the last time was December 2nd, Thursday night. Let me say that hot sauce was not my 'go-to' discipline, I tried time-out and taking privileges away first if the yelling and temper tantrum kept on that's when I would use the hot sauce. On Thursday night, the kids were playing in their playroom and I said it was time to clean up. Camille listened and then I heard yelling between them- Danny wasn't doing his share. I went to Danny and told him to start helping and he didn't want to but he did want Camille to get out of his way of the tv. He started yelling at her to move, she defiantly stood in front of the tv to block his enjoyment and then I turned the tv off and told them to clean together.

A spat or two later, Camille came and told on Danny for not only not helping but creating more of a mess because he didn't want to clean up. I put Danny in the corner and he wouldn't stay. I took away some of his toys which he then tried to rip out of my hands while yelling at me that they're his. Let's go to the kitchen...I gave him two drops of texas pete and he calmed down. He apologized and we hugged. Off to bed with the monkeys and the next morning I kissed Danny on the mouth twice at 6:45 am before sending him off to school.

to be continued...

2009 Recap

What a different life I lead than last year! The kids are doing well at private school but due to finances, next year they will go to public school. This year has flown by and it's been a rollercoaster ride- there have been thrilling hills climbed and thankfully only small downhills. For the most part it's been a boring rollercoaster and I couldn't be MORE thankful for that.

Just to recap during this time last year, I was working a part-time job at night to save money to leave and divorce my ex while homeschooling Camille during the day and Danny was going to a Montessori preschool. It was a tumultuous and stressful time but I felt positive because I was being proactive. I was in counseling and had just finished reading Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.

From January to March it was lawyers, juggling responsibilities and being unsure about what the future would hold for us. The kids and I moved in with my parents so I could get my feet back under me to support us after staying at home for 4 years. I worked as a retail manager until June when it was apparent that type of job was not best for me or the kids. I couldn't work 3-10pm one day and 7am-3pm the next. The kids would be starting school in July and I needed something more stable for them and myself. I was very blessed to find a job at a bank and be able to make a job change while most people couldn't find any work. (Let me rephrase that, couldn't find work that they wanted to do.)

It was also in June that I decided to date again, after a few horrible blind dates, I met a police officer who was a transplant from New Hampshire. I'm a Navy brat with two Northern parents, I was raised in the south. The good ole southern gentlemen with their thick accents, sole-minded interest in trucks, hunting, fishing, golf, southern football and beer just do not interest me, so Brian was a refreshing change. He had goals he was trying to accomplish just as I did and we did well to stay mindful of that. The time spent with Brian was good, I learned a lot about myself during the month and half that we dated while the kids were gone. Our road divided and we've gone our separate ways, he's still going after his goals and doing well. We're friends now and check in with each other every now and then.



My private dating life took a fabulous turn when I met Michael. I really didn't want to date him at all, he shares the same name as my ex. That was a HUGE factor against him and it took me a month to finally answer him. When we met, I had this insane urge to run my fingers through his hair (which I didn't do at that time) and I felt immediately at ease with him.

I hesitate writing anything about him, I don't want to sound like lovesick schoolgirl. I am in the best relationship I've ever had in my life. When two people accept each other as they are and celebrate each other's strengths - there is nothing else more precious. We've both had troubled relationships in the past and learned our lessons, with each other we're very conscious of what both of us needs. We are different in a lot of ways, such as I'm a planner and he's not. For some that wouldn't work but he appreciates knowing someone is thinking ahead and I appreciate the spontaneity that can occur when there isn't a plan or even the deviation from the plan. I'm pretty spontaneous myself but it works because we're both easy-going.

I could go on and on about how wonderful we are together. I could mention all the things I appreciate about him and all the benefits of being with someone who really understands you and wants the best for you, someone who respects and admires you even after they've seen you at your worst. Someone you can't wait to see at the end of the day, someone who you're comfortable just being with without feeling like you have to say or do something to make them happy. A healthy give and take relationship. Finally.

After 3 months, we still haven't had a fight or argument. We discuss things, we talk before anything escalates, we know when each other is upset and we both strive to take care of each other. I'm still blown away that he knows I'm upset before I utter a word. It's nice to have someone know you that well, it's what I've always wanted and never had. It can be frustrating too, I'm not used to having it all hang out there but I'm getting used to it. I guess that sums up my view of our relationship, I'm finally getting what I've always wanted and never had and it takes some adjustment and personal acceptance. Past relationship demons are taking their rest and being left where they belong, in the past.

To be able to give my all with someone who gives their all to me, there's nothing better. I'm in awe of the power of our relationship and now understand what others meant when they talked about their relationship with the same sentiments while I cynically secretly believed they were exaggerating the truth in some way because there's no way they can be THAT happy and content with another human being. They must have problems they aren't talking about. Now I'm part of one of those sickening, wonderful, loving relationships and I thank my lucky stars every day.

I'm ending 2009, happy and contentedly blessed in ways I never would have imagined or dreamed. It's been one helluva year and I can't wait to see what next year holds in store for us!

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to revamp this blog or just let it be as it is. While we still love nature study, we're no longer a homeschooling family, we're no longer Trivium Academy. We'll see.

An Ending and A Beginning

My first term of college is ending tomorrow and Monday starts a new term with one class. I've been juggling three classes this term and I'm burnt out. I need a break and time to settle into our new life with the kids being in school and moving into a new place.

I am so stinking excited to be moving into our own place, but I'm a little timid about it too. To be able to get our stuff out of storage and make a place for ourselves...to live by ourselves. Moving in with family should be a short-term solution, enough said about that.

Work is going well, I really enjoy my job and the people I work with. A co-worker just got promoted and I'm very happy for her, she's only been there a year and it's encouraging to see her moving upward and onward.

The kids are doing well, growing everyday and the changes in them is apparent. Overall, we're all happier and content.

New

Almost everything life right now is new. Bright, shiny, new...isn't that grand? New job (been there 2 months, maybe not so new), new lifestyle (single mom), new school (college online) and a few other 'new's. One for sure is that the kids and I are moving into our own place next month and the kids are starting private school on Monday.

I'm on top of the world right now, stressed and getting stuff done continously, feeling behind but still approaching everything with a smile and confidence that it will all get done. I've dated which has had its ups and downs, met some fabulous people and been able to let my hair down a little and have some fun. I think I forgot how to do that for the longest time and I'm making up some of that lost time.

My first term in college is almost over, I'm in Week 7 of 8 weeks and next is Algebra and Business Computer Skills. I picked out a new mattress yesterday and in the next couple of weeks, all of our stuff will be moved from my parents' house and our rented storage unit to our own apartment. I can't wait. To walk around in my own space, to be able to spend time with the kids without interference (did I just say that).

I haven't really had a chance to cook in the last 5 months, so that will be interesting, especially with my budget. Can you say rice and beans? Lol. Life is good and getting better every day.

I miss them.

The kids have been gone all week and Camille won't be coming back until next week. I miss them terribly. A part of my heart is missing, a part of my daily life. I haven't had them BOTH gone at the same time for this length of time. I've enjoyed my time but it's time for them to be back!

I've got so much to do today, and gasp-I'm even loading up books to take to the thrift store because I have no energy or time to sell them online. I just want them gone, easy peasy. I'm shopping for school supplies and uniforms...I cannot believe that. Camille just turned nine, I cannot believe that either. Lol. We're celebrating her birthday when she gets back from her grandparents'.

I've spent this past week truly evaluating our life, what is good, what can be improved, what steps I need to take, what I feel the kids' need, etc. I got wrapped up in wanting to move out but after crunching the numbers for the 100th time, I can't. Not yet and I'm not foolish enough (thankfully) to take that step without some serious security and stability financially. I'm a highly passionate person and once I set my sights on a goal, watch out- I will obtain it. I needed to refocus on the goals I've already set instead of creating new ones. Hey, I get bored sometimes in the middle of obtaining an already set goal, especially if it is a long term one.

Gazelle intensity...I'm going to reread Total Money Makeover and get motivated again. It's hard. I've lost more weight and my clothes are falling off me- while that's good- it's not good for my wallet. I'm going to wait until I literally cannot wear the clothes I have before buying more, altering the current clothes I have may be the best way to overcome buying more clothes, too bad I don't know how to sew myself! Geesh, I guess I wasn't such a super homeschooler after all, I can't sew or bake bread. Lol.

Goodness!

Goodness, this blog. It feels like a world away sometimes, a different life. The kids are about to spend over a week with other family members and I'm in 3 classes for college, working full-time and trying very hard to balance it all with a bit of a social life.

I'm in new territory in almost every area of my life, it's not always easy to know what the right way is, it seems like a constant battle to stick my arms out and balance myself. My emotions are rampant right now, everything is going so well but I'm a thinker. Those that read this blog know that I always have multiple things going on and that hasn't changed. My mind doesn't stop. I would love to blame it on being a woman but I know that's not the case, I've been told repeatedly lately to slow down, stop taking every so seriously or being so hard on myself by other women!

What I find utterly amazing is that I know myself. I know myself better than I thought I did. I need time to reflect, focus and refocus. I need silence sometimes and just BE without thinking about this, that or anything. I give everything my all and while that would be draining to others, it's freeing for me. I need time to reflect and write, something else that I've learned about myself...by spending time away from this blog. Unfortunately, I'm not willing or able to write everything here- somethings are meant to be personal.

I love music. Love, love, love music. I love rocking out while I work out, I love turning on a favorite cd and cleaning, and I feel a deep satisfaction from belting out songs in my car while driving down the road. I keep a 'theme' song in my mind, one that I can sing to myself when the mood strikes and currently it's my ring tone on my cell phone.

It's perfect for me, right now.

The Middle

Written by by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your headYou feel left out

or looked down on

Just try your best,

try everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves

When you're away

It just takes some time, little girl

You're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, you know they're all the same

You know you're doing better on your own

So don't buy in, live right now

Yeah, just be yourself

It doesn't matter if that's good enough

for someone else

It just takes some time, little girl

You're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time, little girl

You're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head

You feel left out or looked down on

Just do your best, do everything you can

And don't you worry what the bitter hearts

are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl

You're in the middle of the ride

Everything, everything will be just fine

Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Exhale. I'm moving on now to do my physical science work for college. Camille is reading Doctor Doolittle and Danny is getting better at writing his letters. We're doing fine, even better than fine...

Things I'd love to do...

I was looking at upcoming events and these are definitely things I'd love to do. Charleston Harbourfest is coming up next weekend but I'm not sure how much fun it would be with a massive crowd. I'm still thinking about it.


Blues & BBQ Harbor
Cruises
06/25/2009
07/09/2009
07/23/2009
Location: Aboard the Carolina BelleAddress: Maritime Center, 10 Wharfside St.
Phone: 843.722.1112
Web Site: http://CharlestonHarborTours.com
Cruise Charleston harbor, enjoy a Home Team BBQ Buffet and hot Live BLUES from Shrimp City Slim.
Tickets: $29.50 + tax. Cash Bar. Book online or call 843.722.1112 or 800.979.3370
Cruise Dates: 6.25, 7.9, 7.23, 8.6, 8.20, 9.3, 9.24, 10.1, 10.15, 10.29.


Rockin on the Point
6/19/2009
07/03/2009
07/10/2009
07/17/2009
07/24/2009

Location: The Charleston Harbor Resort & MarinaAddress: Mt. Pleasant, SCROCKIN' ON THE POINT 2009 at The Charleston Harbor Resort & Marina at Patriots Point in Mt. Pleasant. Rockin On The Point formerly know as "Party At The Point" starts at 5:30 PM and continues until 9:30 PM.

Bands start between 6:00 - 6:30pm Bring your own chairs, Bring your own blankets, Cash at the door Credit inside for food and drinks Food and drink tickets re-usable No outside food or drinks Starting May 1, Happy Hour w $2.00 Bud Light Draft Beer Jun 5 - Occasional Milkshake Jun 12 - East Coast Party Band Jun 19 - Cravin Melon Jul 3 - Playlist Jul 10 - Virginia Coalition w/Simplified Jul 17 - PlaneJane Jul 24 - Carolina Studios Fundraiser

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
at Sottile Theatre, Charleston, SC
September 9th - September 20th, 2009
Lyrics by Tim Rice Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Go Go Go Joe! The Rock ‘N Roll Story Of Joseph And His Coat Of Many Colors Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s mega-musical of the Biblical saga of Joseph and his coat of many colors has been delighting audiences around the world for almost 40 years. Set to an engaging cornucopia of musical styles, from country-western to rock to calypso and bubble-gum pop, this Old Testament tale emerges as both timely and timeless. It’s a dream ticket—the perfect musical for the entire family. Get your tickets today!

Footlight Players
Rumors by Neil Simon (Comedic Farce)What is supposed to be an anniversary party for friends turns into a wild night of zany adventures for four posh couples. An attempted suicide (or is it?), a missing wife, a damaged car, recurring back spasms and rumors galore add to the comedic mayhem of one of Neil Simon’s funniest plays. With delicious humor the circumstances get progressively worse when the press and police get involved and nobody can remember who has been told what about whom. Recommended age: 18+ Playing August 28 through September 13, 2009. Individual Ticket Prices: $25 adult, $22 senior, $15 student.

Annoyance by Sam BobrickWriter Sam Bobrick (The Andy Griffith Show, Get Smart, The Flintstones and creator of the hit tv series Saved By The Bell) goes into annoyance mode for this side-splitting comedic play. Annoyance follows a very annoying man who goes to see two therapists with the hope of becoming less annoying. However, in his pursuit of mental stability hedrives them both to maddening heights.Playing October 1 through 10, 2009. All Tickets $10 Thursday and $15 Friday & Saturday.

I love looking at the calendar and making a list of things to go do, something to look forward to always helps!

Father's Day

A Boy and His Dad
by Edgar Guest

A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip—
There is a glorious fellowship!
Father and son and the open sky
And the white clouds lazily drifting by,
And the laughing stream as it runs along
With the clicking reel like a martial song,
And the father teaching the youngster gay
How to land a fish in the sportsman's way.

I fancy I hear them talking there
In an open boat, and the speech is fair.
And the boy is learning the ways of men
From the finest man in his youthful ken.
Kings, to the youngster, cannot compare
With the gentle father who's with him there.
And the greatest mind of the human race
Not for one minute could take his place.
Which is happier, man or boy?

The soul of the father is steeped in joy,
For he's finding out, to his heart's delight,
That his son is fit for the future fight.
He is learning the glorious depths of him,
And the thoughts he thinks and his every whim;
And he shall discover, when night comes on,
How close he has grown to his little son.

A boy and his dad on a fishing-trip—
Builders of life's companionship!
Oh, I envy them, as I see them there
Under the sky in the open air,
For out of the old, old long-ago
Come the summer days that I used to know,
When I learned life's truths from my father's lips
As I shared the joy of his fishing-trips.

Glowing

Not so shy anymore with photos. Documenting all the good changes.

Two Letters

I've received two letters as of late, one welcoming me to the bank that I'm working at starting Monday and my acceptance letter to Florida Institute of Technology. I'm a matriculated student now.

A friend voiced concern on whether or not I'll be able to handle working full-time, college work and taking care of myself and the kids. I've weighed all the pros and cons long before the conversation but my confidence faltered for a minute because I know I'm not just working on those things but trying to become financially healthy and working out at the gym to become physically healthy. Add finding church to the mix and yes it seems like a lot but it's all part of the new life for us.

Working- absolutely essential.

College- not absolutely essential but needed in order to advance at work and give me something to do because I always have to have a project. (Really, I do.)

Gym- provides a constructive activity for both the kids and myself with positive results- I consider this absolutely essential. Scheduling the time to GO is what is a little tricky but working out daily is essential even if I do some at home and only go to the gym 2-3x a week. The kids have activities to do at the gym when we all go.

Financial goals- This requires the most sacrifice but also the largest payoff, essential for being able to provide more stability and security later.

Church- Need for spiritual nourishment and socialization for all of us.

Work and college are about to start, my new job starts Monday and college will officially start in July but I'll be able to work a little ahead, at least by reading the textbooks for my classes. They are starting me in Art Appreciation and Physical Science. I'm thrilled! For two years I've been thinking about going back to college but I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Now that I know, it's freeing.

With everything it will be a juggle, no doubt. It'll be worth it...right? Lol. I'll need to come back and reread this when I'm ready to pull my hair out a few months from now.

Big Church

Big churches just aren’t my style. I realized that today as I sat in a Sunday School for 30-40 year olds with younger children. There were two elevators in the church! Amongst the hundreds of faces I saw today only the kids’ Sunday School teachers introduced themselves to me.

Ideally, I would like a medium size church, 150-250 people, with children’s programs and a Wednesday night fellowship supper. A weeknight Bible study with childcare provided would be icing on the cake.

Another thought I had while I was there is what can I give? I don’t have time or money and I cringed when I thought about tithing. They were asking for donations of time and money and I sat there realizing that I have very little of either. I was hoping to meet new people and find a new community but I’m not sure the BIG church is where I’ll find it at. The search is on…

It had to be done.

I just updated my 2009 goal list and lo and behold, I changed the post and backslid! I had to get a new computer, after assessing the computer I have, it doesn't meet the minimum requirements of my college. Something about running PC programs on a 2004 Mac just won't work and Microsoft Word is required. Sigh. I created new debt. (Whispering-Sorry Dave!)

When I told my mother of my disappointment (one- being having to use a PC over a Mac, two- acquiring new debt) she laughed and said, "You'll be in debt anyways with the student loans!" Bigger SIGH. Technically I don't have a student loan yet but it looks like it will be a necessary evil.

The length of time until I shout 'I'm Debt-Free!' just became a little longer, esp. with student loans on the horizon. Optimal situation is to pay off all the consumer debt and then pay off the student loans BEFORE graduation.

It'll work out. I have faith.

2009 Goals

Updating what I wrote at the beginning of the year, again.

Educationally
1. Start college for Summer 2009 session, working towards a Bachelor's in Business Administration.
Status: Done, enrolled at Florida Institute of Technology for Summer 2 Term!

2. Study college level math to help with placement test. Life of Fred?
In the process of doing...

Personally
1. Reduce, reuse and recycle! Declutter our home and be ruthless about what to keep, sell or donate.
(Done but still in progress)

2. Pay off my personal debt by December 2009 via The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey- no new debt!
On track, two bills paid off, one to go!

3. Take time off, from everything at least every two weeks if unable to do it weekly.
Still working on this, just switched jobs and have taken two weeks in between jobs to spend quality time with the kids.

4. Exercise for good health. Joined a gym and going every week.
5. Eat better, smaller portions. Done, only eating minimal bread which has helped.

Professionally
1. Train for higher positions but maintain a healthy viewpoint of my current position.
2. Work on calming my body while in confrontations. My face turns red even though I'm not mentally stressed and I have my composure.

A Fun Day

We went to Charles Towne Landing yesterday and had a blast. It's the first real field trip we've had in months and the kids and I enjoyed it immensely. We watched the otter for over 30 minutes, what a playful animal! We saw bison, white-tailed deer, a puma and a few other indigenous animals- at the elk habitat, a raccoon was eating the elk's food while the elk sat in the shade without a care in the world. The kids kept yelling to the elk, "A raccoon is eating your food!" The elk just sat there and stared.

Today is Danny's 5th birthday and we're heading out to the South Carolina Aquarium so that the kids can touch stingrays and we're going to explore downtown Charleston.

We started out yesterday going to the aquarium but we passed the sign for Charles Towne Landing on the way and I figured since the weatherman predicted rain all week, we'd better take advantage of the no-rain day. We really felt like our old selves, together exploring a new place and learning about what we saw.

He's 5 now. My little boy is not so little anymore, well to tell the truth he's never been little because he's always been in the 90% percentile of height but he's getting OLDER. He's grown so much in the last year, matured. While living with my parents is not ideal, he's changed so much since we've been here, having a support in parenting makes a huge difference!

I will say that being a divorced mom is not easy, especially when your ex-partner doesn't share the same values as you do. It's an uphill battle that I pray will pay off in the end but in the meantime I get to be the 'pain in the butt'. It is especially hard when one is considering what is best for the child and the other is considering what is best for their wallet. Everything from health insurance to school is a disagreement waiting to happen filled with tension and blame. The only reassuring factor is that we have a legal agreement that outlines what is required. Enforcing the legal agreement is where the 'difficult' part comes in, especially when you're just dealing with the other person's actions or non-actions.

I'm just keeping my eye on our goals and moving forward as positively as I can. Today we're going celebrate Danny's birthday and enjoy being together. We are very blessed and we're going to focus on that.

I'm a college student.

I enrolled in college today, I finally picked one and pulled the trigger. I'm on my way to starting my Associates in Art: Business Administration degree. I also walked out of a hostile work environment tonight and quit one day short of my planned exit. Oh well. It felt good to stand up for myself.

Hee, hee. I'm back in school.

Fits of Laughter and Progress.

There was such an outburst of laughter at the dinner table last night...

Danny: "Mom, I want to ride my bike with sissy around the neighborhood."
Me: "Danny, you're not old enough. When you turn 6 or 7 maybe but you're only 5. Sissy is turning 9." (I even showed him on my fingers)
Grandpa: "Danny, you can ride WITH your sister but not by yourself."
Danny sits there looking at me.
Me: "Danny, I DO NOT want you to ride your bike through the neighborhood with your sister and you won't while I'm home but I can't control what happens when I'm not here!"

My dad burst out in uncontrollable laughter which spurred me and my mom into fits of laughter too. Poor Danny and Camille, they didn't have a clue why we were laughing so much but this little scenario is exactly why I struggle a little at home.

I've been looking at colleges and it's hard to choose. Money is a major factor but I don't want to spend less money on college and actually get less education. It seems that some colleges offer cheaper distance learning because they just facilitate your learning- give you the assignments and it's up to you to learn the material without much teacher guidance or even lectures. It's sort of homeschooling for college. On the opposite end there are colleges that want you to spend ungodly amounts of money to attend their prestigious college for just a year and you don't know if you're paying for the name or the education. It's like shopping Goodwill or Saks 5th Avenue- either way you'll have clothes in the end.
The search continues...

I'm on the 3 day countdown at work, this is day 3 and I have two more to go. What a freeing thought! We're going to church this Sunday. We CAN!

Camille is going to a Girl Scout camp this summer for a week, she's thrilled. It'll be her first time away from her parents at all for that long and I think it's going to be such a milestone in her life.

I have to get ready for work so I'll end here...

I got it!

I got the job!
Wooo-Hoooo!

And I told my current employer today, next week is my last and then I'll have two weeks with the kids before starting the new job.
Big Smiles Here.